I'm Your Shill

I didn't realize it until just now, but I'll sell myself out for a handful of seeds. Or you know, almost anything. For example, last month a publisher contacted me out of the blue and offered to send me a book if I'd blog about it - and look, I did! It's actually a pretty cool book and it looks great on my black kidney-shaped bachelor pad coffee table, but the point is I wouldn't have given it a second thought in a bookstore. Not that I go into those places any more. NOBODY does.

Meanwhile, a week ago I attempted to attend a record release party at an exclusive club in Hollywood and didn't make it in. I wrote to Chelsea E, the sexy chanteuse who threw a party at a place so exclusive that it wouldn't even let her own guests in, and she was suitably mortified. She mailed me the gift bag they were giving out (that I would have received had I been allowed inside) and it contained candy, a scented candle, a CD, a green condom, and a T-shirt, which I wore to the park yesterday for the 4th of July concert.

So attention, purveyors of merchandise! If you got it and it's free, I want it! And I'll talk about it! I only own two t-shirts which are devoid of advertising. Your message here! I'm always looking for low-carb tasty snacks! I'll happily test software or gadgets for you and report the results. And the results will ALWAYS BE FAVORABLE. 

And ladies, do you wish you had a little more of a reputation? I can help you out with that.

Look, I might as well do this. I'm running out of crackpot political opinions fast. And once Obama is president, what am I gonna complain about? Endorse my efforts to endorse you! 

PS: You know what? I think while I'm waiting for my laundry to dry I'll head off to The Stand (5780 Canoga Ave in Woodland Hills, a block north of Burbank) to pick up my a free hot dog and fountain drink. They were passing out coupons at the park yesterday.