No Apologies

You know, I'm in a conciliatory mood here at the end of the year. My life is pretty good. I have disagreement with some Republicans about some issues, but by and large people are people. They come by their opinions honestly and are just trying to make America a better place.

So it's true I may have said some things in the last 12 months that may have offended these good people. And as they'd be quick to point out, it's wrong to offend people, especially just for the sake of offending.

On behalf of the whole Democrat party, including our President Barack Hussein Obummerz, I'd like to apologize. We should have compromised and voted for John Boehner's Plan B option in congress.  We shouldn't wage an annual war on Christmas, because America is a Christian Nation. By the way, quit making trouble you Jews!

We're sorry we opposed the election of Mitt Romney for president. That was just wrong, to force our unpopular president on the nation when everybody all loved Mitt Romney so much.

We're sorry we keep bringing up... they guy who was in the White House between Clinton and NobaMMa. Do you know, some DemocRats blame TARP and the auto bailouts and Fast and Furious on that guy?

We apologize for allowing this to happen.

We apologize for making fun of Dick Morris, who is always right.

We apologize for controlling the media. Why don't we step aside and give someone else a chance, huh?

Oh, lunch hour is over. Gotta get back to my job. Ah what the hell... I'll quit and just mooch off the job creators by filing for unemployment and demanding a phone and an Escalade. What's more, I'll insist on getting my social security instead of giving it up. I'm an American! We're America's worst nightmare!

Sorry about that.