Republican Anger: A Helpful Guide

Text below, if you're un-post-literate.

Recent news coverage, especially of certain political rallies, has left the impression that Republicans are a bellicose, furiously bloodthirsty bunch of people. This is absolutely not true; besides, they can't help it. They're outraged! 

Still, how can you tell when they're a little outraged, versus when they're going ballistic? It's simple if you have the right tools! I give you the Republican outrage meter!

The outrage meter has four settings. Three of them apply to Democrats. The first setting: pegged.

This is the lowest setting.

Coincidentally, the second setting looks the same, but it's higher. It's "Pegged, but we're furious that we can't rip off the cover and pull the peg out with our teeth so the needle could go even farther."

The third setting looks like the first two: "The meter itself, by not allowing us to go higher than pegged, betrays its liberal bias."

The fourth setting only applies to Republicans. It's at zero or almost zero, or what they call "hey, what the hell, let's call it zero"; and it signifies that whatever the guy has done, lighten up, he/she's a Republican.

You may point out that there was a recent flurry of hate mail sent to certain right-wing pundits who suggested that Sarah Palin wasn't ready to be Vice President. This suggests that the meter doesn't work. The meter, in fact, works fine. Those pundits are now considered Democrats.