G.B.C.T.

Glenn Beck's 828 Restore Honor Rally was held today on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and I have to give Beck props. He promised it would not be a political event, and though I didn't get to see the whole thing, Beck's speech certainly was not. And the man is a gifted speaker, with a great voice made for drama. I wound up tweeting the whole time I watched. Sure I was snarky but not too unkind, I hope. On the whole, as I tweeted:

So far, he hasn't said anything I disagree with. 

Yes it's because he avoided specifics as much as he possibly could. The speech was a call to action without saying anything about what action it was a call for. I am serious when I say that's not a problem. Anybody can come away from that speech motivated to do what they think is right, and most people are not bad, so it's a positive. I'd much rather people decide what's right for themselves than get it from Glenn Beck.

Still, there's this.

"On his television show on August 11, Beck claimed that "what is going to happen on 8-28 will be a miracle." Beck told his viewers that he is "filled with great hope because I remember, not what I've said to you, but what I know to be true. I've said for some time now, expect miracles." He also told his listeners: "Literally, expect to see miracles. Great, powerful miracles are coming."

So I have been reading the coverage of the event and in any sense of the word, no miracles happened. There were no strange weather events, no one was saved from incurable illness, no laws of physics were violated. Zip. JoDee Messina performed, which is nice, but it's no miracle.

A handful of people will conclude that Beck was lying to sucker people into coming to the rally. Not me. Obviously Glenn Beck thinks that there were miracles that took place at the rally. Is he insane? No. He simply expresses himself in a hyperbolic way. And this is why this rally was so valuable: It is the Rosetta Stone of Glenn Beck.

It is the Glenn Beck Calibration Tool.

Look at it this way.

Glenn Beck "828 Rally = Miracle"
Most people "828 Rally = Pleasant Inoffensive Rally"
Thus Miracle = Pleasant Inoffensive Rally

Now we can decode other Beck statements, knowing that they're not the insanity that they first appeared!

"This president, ...has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture." ..."I'm not saying that he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. He has a -- this guy is, I believe, a racist." = The President doesn't like a particular white guy, I think it's Hannity.

"You will have to shoot me in the forehead before you take away my gun; you will have to shoot me in the forehead before I acquiesce and be silent." = You will have to ask me to give you my gun and be quiet, and then I will.

"We are a country that is headed towards socialism, totalitarianism beyond your wildest imagination." = Rich people may have to pay Reagan-era tax rates.

Armed with this tool I may finally start watching Beck, now that I know what a pussycat he really is.