The Levees Aren't Holding

Republicans hate the free press.

They would like to drive young homosexuals to commit suicide. Did I mention that the blog belongs to the Assistant Attorney General of Michigan?

They hate immigrants because they believe all immigrants are illegal criminals.

They hate the idea of businesses having to adhere to contracts they signed, especially when it involves money you gave them for pensions. They businesses have that money now, why can't they keep it? Same thing with social security, except they want to take that money and give it to businesses you don't even work for.

These issues aren't what they're really running on, but it keeps slipping out anyway. What are they running on, anyway? Further tax cuts, I think. That's it. They want to get into office, cut some taxes, and spend a few years doing nothing else and living well on your grandchildren's money.

All I'm asking is a little narrative discipline, you guys! Give me something plausible!

Plan B

Upset at the idea of giving money to black people? Devise an excuse to hold it up! In this case Congress pledged $1.2 billion for Haitians who were devastated by an earthquake. They're still buried in rubble, they're dying of cholera, they're suffering. But they're not all dead yet, so somehow we gotta stall.

Enter Oklahoma Republican Tom Coburn!

Now the authorization bill that would direct how the aid is delivered remains sidelined by a senator who anonymously pulled it for further study. Through calls to dozens of senators' offices, the AP learned it was Sen. Tom Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma.

"He is holding the bill because it includes an unnecessary senior Haiti coordinator when we already have one" in U.S. Ambassador Kenneth Merten, Coburn spokeswoman Becky Bernhardt said.

The bill proposes a new coordinator in Washington who would not oversee U.S. aid but would work with the USAID administrator in Washington to develop a rebuilding strategy. The position would cost $1 million a year for five years, including salaries and expenses for a staff of up to seven people.

If this one doesn't hold, the next step is vetting the bill for spelling errors and margin-size analysis. Sooner or later them voodoos is gonna die off!

Details, Details

You'd actually kind of expect this from the founder of E-Bay: Meg Whitman's housekeeper was an illegal alien. For 9 years Whitman employed this woman, firing her juuuuuuuuust about the time that she made the decision to run for Governor last year.

There are also allegations of cruelty and abuse, which I'm skipping over because it's one word against another. But Whitman isn't denying that Nicky Diaz – Santillan was illegal, only that she lied on her applications. Because, presumably, it's not the job of employers to do any kind of background checks. Listen, when I was running a movie theatre in Marina Del Rey I had to fire an Australian kid for insufficient documentation. And this was 20 years ago. THE TECHNOLOGY IS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS, MEG.

She keeps promising to lower the unemployment rate in California, and I have a feeling it's going to involve simply counting the migrant farmworkers. Look at that! We have more people employed than we have citizens! Just submitting the roster of her domestic staff could bring us down a whole percentage point.

Pro-business AND pro-illegal - that's gonna be a hard one for the baggers to digest.

The Loudest Dog-Whistle Ever

Some people would read the President's interview with Rolling Stone and conclude that the story is about how he's pushing back, ever so gently, at what he considers unfair criticisms of himself and his administration. But it takes the good citizens at Fox Nation to find the real story, buried deep in the interview.

President of the United States Loves Gangsta Rap

From Rolling Stone:

What music have you been listening to lately? What have you discovered, what speaks to you these days?

My iPod now has about 2,000 songs, and it is a source of great pleasure to me. I am probably still more heavily weighted toward the music of my childhood than I am the new stuff. There's still a lot of Stevie Wonder, a lot of Bob Dylan, a lot of Rolling Stones, a lot of R&B, a lot of Miles Davis and John Coltrane. Those are the old standards.

A lot of classical music. I'm not a big opera buff in terms of going to opera, but there are days where Maria Callas is exactly what I need.

Thanks to Reggie [Love, the president's personal aide], my rap palate has greatly improved. Jay-Z used to be sort of what predominated, but now I've got a little Nas and a little Lil Wayne and some other stuff, but I would not claim to be an expert. Malia and Sasha are now getting old enough to where they start hipping me to things. Music is still a great source of joy and occasional solace in the midst of what can be some difficult days.

They also helpfully include a couple of examples of gangsta rap for real Americans who aren't familiar with the genre.

Why isn't the MSM making a bigger thing about this? I suppose because it's not news. All those, well, you know, those people listen to it. Its hard-wired into them, just the same way that they can't help committing more crimes or eating watermelon. It's just a matter of time before the British Ambassador is mugged in the Oval Office because Obama needs money for crack. Don't say they didn't warn you!

And vote for Christine O'Donnell!

Angle Openly Mocked Health Coverage For "Autism"

Note: "Autism" in air quotes. As if there were such a thing!

She's also making a pretty good argument for insurance companies not covering autism, with or without laws requiring it. I wonder how she feels about the military? "Why do I have to pay for a common defense when I have my own bodyguards, thank you!"

I noticed she hasn't complained about the government going to the expense of printing her name on a ballot, when she could have printed up her own ballots. Hypocrite!

Attention Climate Change Deniers

I personally don't believe this proves anything, but I'm bringing it up because any time it's chilly people on Fox News laugh derisively and claim that there is no global warming. So go ahead, and tell me why you don't think this is proof that you're wrong:


At 113 degrees, downtown L.A. hits all-time record high [Updated]

Free Enterprise

Time to renegotiate them contracts, boys.

Contract America

I made a lot of fun of Mitch McConnell last month when he said this:

MCCONNELL: I think we clearly do need to make sure Americans know what we would do and we’re gonna make that announcement in late September so the voters will have an opp…

HOST: But you have an opportunity right here to spell it out.

MCCONNELL: Yeah but I think I won’t scoop myself. We’ll be making that announcement in late September.

And it turns out he wasn't bluffing - they had a thing in mind! And now it's out for me to make more fun of! Note: the whole document I'm linking too is hosted by CBS news, which means you shouldn't believe anything in it.

I'm a little short on time today so just a few remarks:

I'm glad they're dropping that whole "reducing the deficit thing," because it would just be troublesome.

Check this out:

Unfortunately, the metrics used to hold Congress accountable are often flawed. Rather than using the scale of how well elected representatives represent the views of the people, the scale is often currently measured in bills passed, dollars spent, and programs created. This must change.

Every American must ask: what has Congress done to ensure opportunity and to safeguard my liberty and the freedoms guaranteed to me in the Constitution? We stand ready to be judged by that standard.

...Any ideas on how to judge you on that, boys?

And, of course, any ideas? We've been waiting for this for a while now, and and far as I can see the ideas are LESS TAXES (because taxes are really low now and the economy is just soarin' like an eagle) and reducing the size of government, just like GW Bush and the Republican congress and senate did after they promised to in 2000.

And, apparently, an unspoken pledge to license massive amounts of clip art, thus stimulating the clip art sector.

At Last! AT LAST!

Asked by Fox News’s Greta Van Susteren what “would be a reason to run” during an interview Wednesday night, Palin laid out her criteria:

“A reason to run is if nobody else were to step up with the solutions that are needed to get the economy back on the right track and to be so committed to our national security that they are going to do all that they can, including fighting those on the extreme left who seem to want to dismantle some of our national security tools that we have in place,” Palin said.

“If nobody else wanted to step up, Greta, I would offer myself up in the name of service to the public,” Palin added. “But I also know that anybody — anybody — can make a huge difference in this country without a title, without an office, just being out there as an advocate for solutions that can work to get the country on the right track. And that's where I am now.”

All during that last month of the 2008 campaign I was teasing my rightist friends about not likely getting their President Palin, even though she hadn't been nominated and wasn't running for President. So, who do you think is going to step up and deprive the 'baggers of their mama grizzley now? Ain't nobody, that's who.

Let's face it, the most likely scenario is a lot of money flowing into SarahPac, then Sarah quits once she's got enough for another home and a couple of bitchin' leather jackets. 2nd most likely: she wins under very mysterious circumstances involving all Diebold polling machines going her way and no other machines, gets into office, and then quits after a couple months leaving Vice President John Bolton to run the country, until he literally spontaneously explodes a few days later.

Besides, 2012 is the end times - who wants to be president for THAT?

Quote of the Day: "Same Thing We Do Every Night, Pinky" Edition

O'DONNELL: ... these groups admitted that the report that said, "Hey, yay, we cloned a monkey. Now we're using this to start cloning humans." We have to keep...

O'REILLY: Let them admit anything they want. But they won't do that here in the United States unless all craziness is going on.

O'DONNELL: They are — they are doing that here in the United States. American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains. So they're already into this experiment.

-Christine O'Donnell, O'Reilly Factor 2007. She must still believe it. Where are these mice? Why will they not speak up?

Republicans Next Target

-- the Humane Society. Yes, they want to stop a NGO from saving cute puppies. Presumably because they dogs should have remained celibate. After lobbying to ensure that it's not against the law to bully gays and pushing to force women to have children that they then want to eliminate public school funding for, these guys should probably just go ahead and all grow big handlebar mustaches to go with their black capes.

Unit Cohesion is Saved

Up until yesterday it looked possible that a soldier in the US Military might have to shower, naked, with men that he knew were gay. Now, thanks to a few very, very brave Democrats, that soldier is taking a shower today, surrounded by potentially gay men. Maybe they all are, maybe none of them are; maybe it's just the guy right behind him. He could ask, I guess. No, just kidding, he can't ask. And they can't tell.

Thus the United States remains in that club of nations that forbids open homosexuality and we can march proudly alonside Communist China, North Korea, Cuba, Iraq, Iran and Pakistan among others, while our sworn enemies with their degenerate armies (Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Uruguay) can swish around to their certain defeat because of the lack of Unit Cohesion.

It's great when logic trumps prejudice and fear, innit?

The Impossible Dream

Joe Miller, 'bagger candidate for Governor of Alaska, is willing to support unconstitutional practices until a completely impossible event makes them unnessesary.

KING: Now you have said you believe extending unemployment benefits and federal unemployment benefits are unconstitutional.

MILLER: Let me tell you why. The Democratic Party and even the votes that many of which Murkowski voted in support of the Democratic Party is not the answer to putting people back to work. And as long as the federal government stays on the back of the American worker by too much regulation, by creating an anti-competitive atmosphere, by taxation, we absolutely are going to maintain the unemployment benefits so that workers can continue to be where they need to be but long term there has to be a transition there, too. …

So until all laws regulating business (you know, safety things, anti-trust things, minimum wage things) are repealed, let the welfare state thrive! Presumably with borrowed money. No wonder these guys are anti government - they fear it for its powerful magic!

Someone Else's Comment of the Day

Another month, another Glenn Beck rally. This one is in Chicago and the press won't be allowed in. Prompting a Wonkette commenter to remark:

I want to believe that Beck & co. are afraid that the Media might expose their wicked lies, but I'm 99% positive they simply don't want to hand out any free tickets that would otherwise bring in $125.00 a pop.

Now THAT'S a gotcha! Let's hope Beck doesn't cancel!

I've Been Unfair to Christine O'Donnell

I'm putting words into her mouth. What does she stand for? What does SHE believe? Check out her website and get the truth from her, in her own words.

Rand Paul, the Reasonable One

Not all the tea party candidates are crazy incompetents. Rand Paul for example has yet to propose armed insurrection to solve our nations woes. And he's worried about the deficit!

A spokesman for Rand Paul, the Tea Party-backed Senate candidate in Kentucky, said Paul “will vote against and filibuster any unbalanced budget proposal in the Senate.”

What's more, he refuses to use taxes to do it!

Paul...said it would be better to pair the tax cuts with a plan to reduce spending. However, asked if he would vote to extend the tax cuts without corresponding spending cuts, Paul said, "Absolutely. The money is not the government's. It is ours."

And if anybody makes a move to change that, he'll stop 'em! Some say it's an impossible dream, but there is a way:

Discretionary spending — inclusive of defense spending — in 2010 will be about $1.4 trillion. So Paul would have to get rid of almost the entire discretionary side of the budget (which includes some veteran’s benefits, operational funding for Iraq and Afghanistan, and the Nuclear Security Administration) to achieve his goal.

The non-defense discretionary side of the budget — which is where education funding, housing assistance, FEMA, the FBI, the Drug Enforcement Administration, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and the Secret Service all reside — comes to about $530 billion, nowhere near enough to close the gap Paul wants to eliminate.

So the upshot is that Paul would have to raid the mandatory budget — which is largely composed of Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security — to entirely eliminate the deficit in a single year, unless he is planning to ditch the FBI and the Secret Service overboard. And extending all of the Bush tax cuts only makes the problem worse.

Rand Paul: WHY DON'T WE LEAVE THE CRIMINALS AND MUZZIES ALONE?

Everybody Wins!

Christine O'Donnell! Carl Paladino! The Tea Party (it's not really a party) HAS WON (some primaries).  And they'll take the senate now, because Democrats aren't going to vote at all, but all Republicans love the Tea Party candidates!

Okay, almost all. Okay, some.

"O'Donnell ...enters the race against Coons as an underdog, putting GOP control of the Senate further out of reach. Former George W. Bush political adviser Karl Rove told Fox News Channel, "This is not a race we're going to be able to win."

...Her victory set off a round of accusations and fingerpointing inside and outside the GOP.

Republican Party officials who saw Castle as their only hope for winning the Delaware seat once held by Vice President Joe Biden made clear they will not provide funding for O'Donnell in the general election. The Republican state chairman, Tom Ross, has said O'Donnell "could not be elected dogcatcher," and records surfaced during the campaign showing that the IRS had once slapped a lien against her and that her house had been headed for foreclosure. She also claimed falsely to have carried two of the state's counties in a race against Biden six years ago."

CBS, which is a lot classier than me, doesn't bring up the anti-masturbation rhetoric or the fact that at 41, she still isn't married. Which means that if you're worried about your politicians being some kind of mysterious "other" maybe you don't want to pal around someone who has never had an orgasm in her life. And probably thinks you shouldn't have either. In fact, she will probably attempt to pass laws against it.



Paladino? Also doesn't have a chance, also crazy. But unlike O'Donnell, the guy Paladino bumped off the ticket didn't have a chance either.

Anyway, the point is we all win. The 'baggers get the candidates up for a vote, and the Democrats get easy-to-defeat candidates. All they have to do is QUOTE 'EM! And deep down a part of me dreads the future, because the Democrats probably will fail to do it.

Opaque Editorial Statement of the Day

Want more? Here it is.

Book Burning

I'm against it. Like I often say, I want Rush Limbaugh on the air. I want Mein Kampf  in the libraries. I want the option to reject those opinions myuself, rather than have others pre-emptively  reject them. That's why the founding fathers were so worked up about free speech.

So Pastor Terry Jones, please put the whole Koran-burning idea to bed, or move to North Korea or China or one of those countries where suppression of ideas is just dandy. Feel free to speak out against Islam all you want, just don't burn their damn books.

Apples To Apples, For A Change

As usual, I'm responding to my pals over at Where Are My Keys, who keep posting charts comparing this recession to the other post-WWII recessions. I don't think that's a good comparison. None of those recessions started with a complete credit freeze; none of them had a market crash comparable to the one we experienced the day that John McCain said "The fundamentals of the economy are sound."

In fact what this recession resembles is the Great Depression. The difference is, of course, that having gone through the first one we had a chance to apply the lessons we learned which is why we're not in a Depression now. So look at the chart above. We only have three years of data to work with (that last year isn't even complete yet, and I estimated the rate at 9.8, which will hopefully prove to be too high). You can see too things - stepping in early we appear to have dodged a bullet; and no matter how wonderful people think the economy was under Bush, unemployment was higher than during the roaring 20's when he was running things.

Also remember that the current talking point from ANY Republican you hear is that we'd be far better off if we'd done nothing. Which is exactly what they said in the thirties. As far as they're concerned the fundamentals of the economy ARE strong, which makes sense if you don't really care about unemployment. The middle class? Those people can take care of themselves.

So what I'm saying is yes, things are awful right now, and they'd have been much much worse if Republicans had been in charge.

Quote of the Week

"All you guys were doing and talking were beheadings, beheadings, beheadings," the governor said. "That is something that has stuck with you all for so long, and I just felt we needed to move on."

-Jan Brewer, explaining to the press why she won't talk so much to the press.

Climbing On A Chair and Shrieking

What do Republicans fear? They're afraid the six members of the New Black Panther Party swung the last election. They believe scientists have a liberal bias. They fear terrorist babies. They are afraid that if Gay people get married that they, too, will feel compared to marry gay people. And animals. And now, they're afraid of Satanic Death Cults.

Actor John Cusack went on a caustic Twitter rampage Sunday evening, attacking former House Majority Leader Dick Armey, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and Fox News.

“I AM FOR A SATANIC DEATH CULT CENTER AT FOX NEWS HQ AND OUTSIDE THE OFFICES ORDICK ARMEYAND NEWT GINGRICH-and all the GOP WELFARE FREAKS,” Cusack tweeted.

...“His provocative tweets could easily incite a rabid fan to commit violent acts against Fox News Headquarters and others he names," said Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist and author of "Coping With Terrorism: Dreams Interrupted."

Yes, the minions of John Cusak will arise and... uh... rent office space at Fox News to operate their Satanic Death Cult! Which would implicitly threaten retired Republican operatives! SOMEHOW!

Mathematically speaking, the threat would come from a subset of people - those who are both John Cusak fans AND members of a Satanic Death Cult. And can afford office space in Manhattan.

News About Liberal News Media News

The Washington Times, a newspaper with a reputation for -- let's say it's not considered as accurate as the Washington Post, unless you're a birther -- has just been repurchased by its original owner, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. Yeah, that guy.

What is it with the xenophobia on the right? Betwen Moon and that Saudi who owns a lion's share of Fox News, it's pretty obvious that without foreign heathens they'd be nowhere! Embrace the other!