Best Ad O' The Year, So Far

There's plenty to enjoy about this one, but my favorite aspect is that it's cut just like BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS.

Great Sales Op In Protests

Say you have a zero-growth market item like teabags. How are you going to get a sales spike? Tie it to a protest! Start a viral marketing campaign that encourages people to buy your crap and then then dump it uselessly in an empty symbolic gesture. It's capitalism at it's most elemental.

I forgot... why did I bring this up? Oh yeah.

Olympia Snowe has sold out the country. Having been banished to our world
after Aslan chased her out of Narnia, Snowe is intent on corrupting this place too.

So we should melt her.

What melts snow? Rock salt.

I’m going to ship this 5 pound bag of rock salt to her office in Maine. It’s only $3.00. You should join me.

It is a visible demonstration of our contempt for her. First she votes for the stimulus. Now this.

It’s time to melt Snowe. ORDER YOUR BAG HERE.

The mailing address is:
3 Canal Plaza
Suite 601
Portland, ME 04101
Main: (207) 874-0883

I got an even better idea! Let's send XM Satellite Radios to Joe Biden, to remind him to listen! Or ZUNES! Yeah, them Zunes will teach him a lesson!

Another Crack At The Political Ad Problem

A while back I floated the idea of banning political ads on TV, because it's the single biggest eater of money in political campaigns (and consequently the reason why politicians have to rely on special interest donations to get elected) and because the issues are never adequately covered in 30 second spots. And I admitted that banning is an imperfect solution because there are obvious free speech problems.

So okay, I've taken the bill into committee and come back with a watered down compromise: Allow television advertising, but no political ad can be less than 15 minutes in length.

What are the advantages? The most obvious one is that it prevents the advertiser from picking a single lie and jamming it into your cranium every hour all day long. Instead, at worst a political advertiser (this would be for people AND propositions) could attempt to get 15 minutes a day in prime time, and even if they repeated the single lie in that slot, most people would note the message and switch channels after a few minutes. Probably in order to hold your attention the slot would have to go into detail, which is fine because there is nothing in politics that can be summed up in 30 seconds. 15 minutes is inadequate too of course, but it's a start.

And since there is practically nothing on American TV that starts or ends on the 15-minute mark, programmers would probably book a slot of two ads, hopefully opposing. Or one advertiser would buy the full half hour. Or a whole hour, in Obama's case. Yes, I'm talking about infomercial programming here. And this is another reason why this compromise is easier to swallow than my original plan: it doesn't yank a huge revenue stream from the TV industry. Also a half hour of television shouldn't be any more expensive than 8 minutes of it. Typically that's how much commercial time a network sells, and they could charge half that because they don't have to support the expense of that troublesome sitcom that they put between the ads.

You could argue that this would be bad for ratings, but if it's a choice between ACCORDING TO JIM and competing bond measures, I'm flipping a coin.

The main problem with this compromise is that it doesn't save enough money. At first. But honestly, this kind of advertising wouldn't be nearly as effective (i.e. wouldn't sucker as many potential voters) and therefore would gradually be dropped in favor of internet advertising, which is at least cheaper. Again, at first. But in the big picture, probably a lot of people who vote now wouldn't be bothered to next time? Is this bad? Not if it's birthers. Not if it's people who think Bush was behind 9/11. It's just like the stock bubble - most of the problems were caused by people investing who had no idea what they were doing. You should know a little before you vote.

Okay, so that's that idea out there. Anybody have anything to add?

Prosti-hacks

I am frequently impressed by the ingenuity displayed by people in business. I have two examples in mind today, both involving clever advertising and prostitution. Let me add that while I have known a prostitute, I have never KNOWN a prostitute, if you can smell what the Rock is cookin’.  So my interest is academic.

First, the occasion of my seeing a billboard for HUSTLER CASINO on the way over here. Gambling is illegal in California, except on Native American Reservations. And prostitution is illegal everywhere in the state. However, by buying a stake in a native American Casino and branding it, Larry Flynt is de-facto implying, “hey, this place is just like in Vegas! And you know what that means!” And though I haven’t driven out to Gardena I bet he’s right. Thus, they are cleverly advertising a service that they can’t even say exists.

However this is pretty weak sauce compared to a website I ran across a few weeks ago. Again remember that having sex for money is illegal; UNLESS you are producing pornographic entertainment. This company is running a “star in your own porno” ring. I’d link to it if I could remember the address, but it’s Encino based, and Encino is Reseda-adjacent. Reseda, 30 years after BOOGIE NIGHTS, is still mecca for porno.

So the pitch is, you can shoot a scene with one of their four “starlets” for only $150 (or some amount) and then they’ll release it on a compilation. If you want to shoot a scene JUST FOR YOURSELF, no public release, then it’s another $50. I suppose if you’d like them to shoot the scene and then just delete it, it’s even more.

Brilliant! Unless you’re a guy who wants to pay for sex but is also camera-shy. Or a celebrity.

And again if you’re thinking what I assume you are: I am not camera-shy, but it bugs me that I have to pay for a HAIRCUT. So put that idea outta your head.

The Elegant Enigma of Advertising Copy

I had dinner tonight at Koo Koo Roo, a chain of grilled chicken restaurants here in SoCal. They're known for healthy poultry-based meals. Anyway, I'm sitting facing the counter and I noticed something bannered across the wall over the heads of the cashiers:

MARKET FRESH CHICKEN FLAVOR

I stared at for so long that my garlic roasted potatoes got cold. Because you know, it's a phrase that is appealing but at the same time doesn't mean anything. I defy you to nail down what they're saying with those four words.