A Dog-Whistle For the Rest Of Us

You are probably familiar with the term "dog-whistle" in politics; it's a talking point that is meant to mean something different to your people than it does to the outsiders. For example when John Sununu calls President Obama "lazy" it doesn't literally mean that - like all presidents, Obama works 14 hours a day and will never rack up as many vacation hours as the previous guy. But the stereotype of African Americans is that they're lazy. It's a reminder that he's black.

Democrats have had a hard time finding our own dog whistle, perhaps because we seem to be acquiring the moderates as well. If most of the country is in on it, how can there even be insiders? But I think I've stumbled on to something. Last night I tweeted this:

piker62Who knew? "The Obama Administration’s number one priority is the destruction of US defensive capability" http://t.co/6AI4PpT6 1/17/13 6:06 PM

I was amused by the idea that a guy would get himself elected president just so he could destroy our nation's defense. I mean, really, come on. But a few minutes later, I got this:

MaryForbes14@piker62 Glenn Beck knew over four years ago. Few listened. They are now. @GlennBeck 1/17/13 6:15 PM

This was even funnier to me, because someone thought I had taken the idea seriously.

piker62 @MaryForbes14 @glennbeck So he's not trying to instigate sharia law after all? 1/17/13 6:29 PM

MaryForbes14@piker62 @glennbeck It is all part of his agenda. You have to think bigger. He will make it happen fast. We have to be faster to stop him. 1/17/13 6:25 PM

So far I've had three retweets of my mocking, all by real conservatives. One has even subscribed to me!

This is our dog whistle - just quote these guys straight, at their worst. Let's face it, one of the reason we won so big in the last election was because the candidates did their own talking. "Legitimate Rape" makes its own gravy. And the best part is, the'll be thrilled that we're doing it.

What the World Needs Now Is Dogs, Ugly Dogs

This is Elwood, a chinese crested/chihuahua mix and winner of Petaluma's annual Ugliest Dog contest. When I say he's a mixed breed, please understand this was acheived conventionally and not by using the same teleportation chambers as in Cronenberg's remake of THE FLY.

Elwood's tongue hangs out the side like that because he has no front teeth. Quoting Elwood's owner, New Jersey resident Karen Quigley:

"The breeder was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell," said Quigley. So ha ha, now Elwood's all over the Internet and people love him and adore him."

Indeed we do, ma'am.

Considering The World's Ugliest Dog

Yesterday Animal Planet re-aired the 2006 WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG competition. Like the Miss Universe Competition, the applicant pool is curiously limited - no applicants from outside the US for World's Ugliest Dog, no applicants from other planets for Miss Universe. You'd think at least Venus would have someone in the running. In any event, that is where the resemblance between the two competitions ends.

When you think of ugly dogs you are probably picturing a bulldog, or a chihuahua. That is unless you've see a picture of the late Sam, legendary multi-year winner of this competition.



Sam is the stuff of nightmares, Cujo would be scared away from Sam. George Romero's production company, working for 2 years nonstop, wouldn't have come up with half the dog Sam is. (Sam's widow, incidentally, took 3rd place in her category! Work it, sistah!)

Quite a few of the finalists resembled each other. They were small, hairless except for a wiry patch on the tops of their heads, and they had tongues which hung out the sides of their mouths because they lacked front teeth. They were all pure breds, of the group "Chinese Crested." And this fascinates me. Because these dogs, with their imperfections, health problems, and singular unappealing looks, have been made that way on purpose. It's literally the opposite of eugenics. "Malgenics?"

It's especially weird when you consider that there aren't a lot of rewards to owning an ugly dog. Worst case scenario is people comment on how much dogs look like their owners, but there are also extra expenses involved. For example, one dog featured on the program was almost put to sleep for her constant pain until the vet realized that a daily dose of phenobarbitol would fix the problem. Would you keep your dog if it needed more drugs than you do AND scared the neighbor's kids? Of course not, no more than you'd keep a child with those qualities.

Looking at these dogs make me glad that I have one gorgeous dog and one dog who is goofy but appealing. But if I had a hideous parody of a dog, I would love him too. Assuming I could determine a sex at all.