Who Hates America Again?

Tenthers.

Blue Cross, Red Shield

A lot of those right-wing talking points about the health reform bill cite problems that we're dealing with now with insurance. Republicans are asking us to get furious at the idea of health care rationing, government meddling in Medicare (?!), long waits in emergency rooms and doctor's offices.

So I'm wondering - what is the plan for fixing all this stuff when the reform plan crashes in flames? I mean, there's a hungry mob out there now that hates (HATES!!!!!!) the idea of health care rationing, and when they realize they're still stuck with Cigna deciding that their cancer treatments will cut into executive golf vacations, someone is gonna get hurt. What's the backup plan? Who's gonna fix the problem? Can't be Democrats, because Republicans would block their efforts. When it dawns on people that the only thing stopping us from getting our money's worth from the insurance companies is a phalanx of certain elected officials, then you're gonna see some really angry town halls.

And may I suggest that "deregulation" may not be the most popular answer in this case?

More Non-Racism: We Never SAID it Would Be All Black People

Somehow, the impression comes across anyway.

Easy Pickin's

John McCain could be the Senate’s new Ted Kennedy

Despised by the Republican base? Mission accomplished long ago, Cynthia!

Great Moments in Push-Polling

h/t Think Progress. You know, some say that health care reform could result in the government taking your bibles! Does that concern you?

Michael Steele Is Comedy Gold

The Health Care Debate Is Actually Quite Sanguine

I've been hearing a lot about this and things like it - hate crimes against Democrats are actually all caused by Democrats disguising themselves as Republicans. You have the swastikas painted on a congressperson's headquarters, for example, or certain people shouting out nazi slogans at town hall meetings. All Democrats, makin' the Republicans look bad!

This is a fascinating talking point in light of the other one, that Americans are furious about health care reform. If it's all Democrats who are doing the shouting and vandalizing to make the Republicans look angry, then obviously NO ONE is furious. So let's get on with it and write a bill with the public option, shall we? Since nobody minds.

Ted Kennedy, Dead at 77

I should have had something prepared for this. He was someone whose biggest skill was facilitating bipartisan solutions to problems, and that is a a thing that will be sorely missed. Yes, he had plenty of detractors and was no stranger to controversy, but the man was dedicated to making American politics better. Aloha sir.

Let's Not Look Back

FVP Richard Cheney has been lobbying the White House to unclassify memos which prove that torture yeilded valuable information from terror suspects, back when we were still doing that. Here they are!

Surprise number 1: They don't prove that the valuable information came from torture.

The first document, issued by the CIA in July 2004 is about the interrogation of 9/11 architect Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who was waterboarded 183 times in March 2003 and whom, the newly released CIA Inspector General report on torture details, had his children’s lives threatened by an interrogator. None of that abuse is referred to in the publicly released version of the July 2004 document. Instead, we learn from the July 2004 document that not only did the man known as “KSM” largely provide intelligence about “historical plots” pulled off from al-Qaeda, a fair amount of the knowledge he imparted to his interrogators came from his “rolodex” — that is, what intelligence experts call “pocket litter,” or the telling documentation found on someone’s person when captured.

Surprise number 2: Cheney says that they prove it anyway.

This intelligence saved lives and prevented terrorist attacks. These detainees also, according to the documents, played a role in nearly every capture of al Qaeda members and associates since 2002. The activities of the CIA in carrying out the policies of the Bush Administration were directly responsible for defeating all efforts by al Qaeda to launch further mass casualty attacks against the United States.

You may note that he avoids directly saying the TORTURE brought out the information, just that the people we tortured were the ones who gave us information. Distinction without a difference, if you regard torture as no big deal.

As a movie geek (news about that is a-comin', but let's not tangentalize) I can't help but think of Star Wars (A New Hope) or Marathon Man, or really, every single damn American movie up to 2004, in which the heroes were easy to spot because they were the ones who DIDN'T torture. The ones who torture are Nazis or stormtroopers. I know, I know, pre 9/11 thinking.

You've Only Got The Symptoms, You Haven't Got The Whole Disease

This post will serve as an explanation of why I didn't post on Friday, and as a splendid anecdote, and as a pitch to Larry David.

Thursday morning I got this call from my glamorous friend Alexis, who has connections. She asked me if I wanted to be on the guest list of a red carpet event at a club in Beverly Hills. I thought, I haven't gotten out much this week because I'm battling low-grade flu symptoms (minor sore throat, slight dizziness, diminished energy) and I like the club, so what the hell, I accepted.

When I got there I went straight to the bar for my usual red wine or beer. But when I got there, there was a brand spankin' new Rob Roy waiting there. A guy had ordered it, then realized what he REALLY wanted was a Roy Rogers, so the guy and the bartender offered it to me for free. Which was a hard deal to pass up, because there was no cover charge AND a free drink, right?

It was a so-so event, but I met this very interesting woman, a German singer cum* film director, and we left early for cheap Thai Food. At about 1:00am I put in my car to drive her to the Metro Station, because she's from Germany and doesn't like to drive if she can avoid it. As I'm pulling out from the restaurant, I noticed the reflection of the front of my car in the plate glass window, and I thought, I can't turn on the headlights now because it will blind those guys eating Pho noodles, so I made a mental note to turn them on when I hit the street.

Which I realized I had forgotten to do when I was stopped by police just before the freeway.

You might be ahead of me at this point - they asked me to step out of the car and ran a series of field sobriety tests on me. And my balance isn't optimal under any circumstances (I stopped trying to do Pilates because I kept falling over) but with a slight flu it was even worse. Plus the test where they have you follow a pencil with your eyes was made worse by my lazy eye. The police put the cuffs on me and I watched from the back of a black 'n' white as they called a cab for my new German friend.

(Incidentally, one of the questions they asked me during the tests was "what's in a Rob Roy"? I had to tell them honestly, I don't know. I think I heard it's not scotch, which is fascinating considering Rob Roy is the most famous Scottsman who hasn't played James Bond.)

It was 2:20 by the time they put the breathalyzer into my mouth and though they don't tell you the results, they did allow that I was remarkably un-drunk. Which is no surprise considering I hadn't had a sip of alcohol past 9:00pm. The police then put me back into the black'n'white (still in cuffs; it's policy) and drove me back to my car. I thanked them for being thorough professionals and told them as unpleasant as the whole adventure was, I'd rather they arrested me by mistake then let real drunk people drive. And I got home around 3:15, almost 5 hours past my normal bedtime.

Note to Dr. Gates - just cooperate next time!

Anyway, I'm chalking it up to a new experience and happily, my record remains clean. But Friday afternoon I was so destroyed by lack of sleep that I couldn't form thoughts even coherent enough for this blog. Yeah, I worked anyway, because I literally CAN do that job in my sleep. And probably with both hands tied behind my back, though we didn't have to explore THAT option.

Oh, and the Rob Roy? Meh. I prefer Pinot Noir.

* It's Latin! Look it up!

A Letter From The Next Republican President

Am I airing the views of the other side or just too lazy to write my own comedy? You decide! Hat tip, of course, to Wonkette.

from Kristen Atkinson <[REDACTED]>
to ken@wonkette.com
cc jim@wonkette.com
date Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 3:26 AM
subject my story

Dear Wonkette editors,

I posted a very serious article recently in Townhall.com about witchcraft in the White House, and later realized that your website had made a farce out of it. I saw that your staff and readers made a lot of extremely cruel comments about me and my story. Why are you people so rude? Does anybody take anything seriously anymore?

Do you really, truly, seriously think it is OK for a president to use a forged birth certificate? Do you actually believe it is appropriate for a man who was raised a Muslim to pretend he is a Christian and go to a church for 20 years with an anti-American preacher? Do you really want a president who was brainwashed by communists since he was a child, up through university, to hate America to be our president? Do you think that it is fine if a family member of the president defiles the White House with voodoo? Don’t you know what fate could befall our nation as a result of allowing Satanic forces to gather over the White House?

After 8 years of a president sent by God to lead the American people and rescue us from the horrors of 911 and Islamo-fascists, it now boils down to this? How incredibly tragic. You folks don’t really seem to understand the extreme peril that our nation confronts. Stop making fun of me. Take off your blinders! Wake up!

Respectfully, Kristen

To backwards-quote Led Zeppelin: Oh here's to my sweet satan!

No Halfway Measures

I've spent a lot of time lately accusing my online pals of being disingenuous (I do love that word) in their arguments against health care reform. You don't believe these things you're saying, I tell them.

It's wrong to tell people what they think. Better to just take them at their word.

So in the spirit of understanding, I'm going to assume these are all genuine principals and not insane talking points you're concerned with. I'd like to help out Republicans and make suggestions for their next social programs to fight.

THE POST OFFICE - The post office has been a huge drain on our tax dollars for long enough! And allowing it to continue has crippled UPS and FedEx. The post office maintains an unfair monopoly on mailboxes, thus forbidding any material to be delivered to peoples homes. If we allow the government to carry mail, it could read your personal information.

THE ARMED FORCES - the government has no business providing for the common defense. Mercenaries are more efficient, and an army composed entirely of them could support itself with the spoils of war! In fact, it could turn a tidy profit. The very idea of people having to "serve" their country is just a code word for socialism. You know who else had armies? Hitler!

LAW ENFORCEMENT - Oh sure, you liberals HATED the police in the sixties, but now you just love them! This is another program that is burdened by bureaucracy and red tape. If you privatize the police force, they can determine what is a crime and what isn't, and use prison labor to generate profits. If big government is allowed to run the police, they next thing you know they'll make LAWS, which violates YOUR personal freedoms!

GOVERNMENT - experiments in privatizing this industry through lobbyists has proven quite successful so far.

You're welcome. And don't forget, if we're allowed to pass a public option, the bill says all the American doctors will be fired and replaced with illegal Mexican doctors!

The Hated Public Option

Courtesy of the Rasmussen people:

Just 34% of voters nationwide support the health care reform plan proposed by President Obama and congressional Democrats if the so-called “public option” is removed. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey shows that 57% oppose the plan if it doesn't include a government-run health insurance plan to compete with private insurers.

Last week, Rasmussen Reports tracking found that support for the Congressional plan was at 42%.

While the tracking question did not specifically mention the public option, it referred to the bill proposed by the president and congressional Democrats now working its way through Congress. All of the congressional committees that had passed reform legislation included a government health insurance plan. Therefore, it is reasonable to compare those results with the current polling to measure the potential impact of dropping the public option.

The most dramatic impact is a sharp decline in enthusiastic support. Without the public option, only nine percent (9%) Strongly support the legislation. The earlier poll found 26% Strongly in favor of it.

Italics mine. This is great news or bad news, depending on whether Congress is acting to please the voters or the special interest groups. I hope they want to please the voters, because all the insurance campaign money in the world won't get you reelected if voters hate you.

Quote of The Day

As you stand there with a picture of the President defaced to look like Hitler and compare the effort to increase health care to the Nazis, my answer to you is as I said before, it is a tribute to the First Amendment that this kind of vile, contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated. Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it.

- Rep. Barney Frank

An Aesthetic Reconsideration of TOMMY (1975)

Call:

Response.

Guns, No Guns. Whatever.

...As far as I can tell, it has happened twice. Last week in New Hampshire, a gentleman had a gun strapped to his thigh. And yesterday a dozen gun-rights activists carried some weapons at an Arizona event. It was all perfectly legal and the Secret Service was hardly worked up about it.

I believe in gun rights, but I also think sporting guns at what are supposed to be peaceful, democratic protests sends the wrong message. But from what I've seen so far, I can't get super worked up over it, either.

-Jonah Goldberg

Yeah, I'm with Jonah. A dozen people showing up to a debate packing heat, or a guy hanging around Presidential appearances with an AR-15 slung over his shoulder may send the wrong message. Me, I am choosing to get super worked up over it. Then again, it's not like they're wearing T-Shirts critical of the president. Maybe we should cut these heavily-armed patriots a li'l slack, huh?

More On The Glengary Leads

If you look at the comments in yesterday's post about Republicans selling stupid ideas well, you'll see that even the most ardent supporters of these ideas equate them with the idea that Bush was behind 9/11. I mean hey, even I didn't go that far. It was a gimmee from my readers.

Why So Socialist, Part II

Finally, a break in the case!

The picture should look familar to you.

Bored during his winter school break, Firas Alkhateeb, a senior history major at the University of Illinois, crafted the picture of Obama with the recognizable clown makeup using Adobe's Photoshop software.

Alkhateeb had been tinkering with the program to improve the looks of photos he had taken on his clunky Kodak camera. The Joker project was his grandest undertaking yet. Using a tutorial he'd found online about how to "Jokerize" portraits, he downloaded the October 23 Time Magazine cover of Obama and began digitally painting over it.

Four or five hours later, he happily had his product.

..."I abstained from voting in November," he wrote in an e-mail. "Living in Illinois, my vote means close to nothing as there was no chance Obama would not win the state." If he had to choose a politician to support, Alkhateeb said, it would be Ohio Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich.

"I think he's definitely doing better than Bush was," Alkhateeb said of Obama. Alkhateeb's views on foreign relations align with the Democrats, he said, while he prefers Republican ideals on domestic issues...Alkhateeb's assessment of Obama: "In terms of domestic policy, I don't think he's really doing much good for the country right now," he said. "We don't have to 'hero worship' the guy.

Regardless, Alkhateeb does agree with the Obama "Hope" artist about "socialism" being the wrong caption for the Joker image. "It really doesn't make any sense to me at all," he said. "To accuse him of being a socialist is really ... immature. First of all, who said being a socialist is evil?"

As I suspected, the SOCIALISM portion was completely disconnected from the visual. What I didn't divine was that the artist so revered by the right was both a sufferer of Bush Derangement Syndrome AND a Kucinich supporter. And let's face it, at this point Firas Alkhateeb is the next shining star of the Republican Party and will probably win the nomination in 2012, so you guys brace yourselves.

Mr Novak

Robert Novak, dead at 78. Hard-working reporter, made a few especially controversial choices towards the end there. Journalism is poorer for his loss.

Always Be Closing ***Updated***

A thought provoking entry over at Where Are My Keys:

Liberals in D.C. are either lawyers or activists that have made it to the big time. Conservatives have mainly a business background.

Conservatives know how to take an idea, run a few focus groups, determine if an idea is viable, develop a plan, "sell" the idea, put the right people in place, begin implemantation of the plan, determine strentghs and weaknesses of the plan, make modifications, keep an eye on expenses, and run a successful operation.

His point is that Republicans are better at selling than Democrats. Which I have to admit is correct, as clearly evidenced by the Health Care PR disaster that we're slogging around in right now.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility (fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!) and it's probably good to now and then look at what's moving off the shelves in the RedState Grocery:

28% of Republicans believe that President Obama wasn't born in America and an additional 30% aren't sure.

35% of people believe that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the 9/11 attacks.

57% of Republicans believe that (or are "not sure" that) "the health care reform plan being considered by President Obama and Congress creates “death panels” which have the authority to subjectively determine whether or not a gravely ill or injured person should receive health care based on their “level of productivity in society”.

It looks like 11% believe Obama is Muslim. Roughly.

My point is, why not sell something that is actually worth something? Why throw this weight behind such racist nonsense? Speaking of which, here's an underserved market for you:

"...And non-white viewers really don’t like Fox. Only 5 percent of African-Americans, 11 percent of Hispanics, and 8 percent of other minorities consider the network reliable, while a majority of every one of those groups trusts CNN and sizable pluralities trust MSNBC."

But hey, if you start catering to that market you're just cannibalizing your existing share, eh?

***Update*** I wouldn't have included this sentence but WAMK in the comments below is fighting pretty hard for it: The stupid American people buy Republican crazy paranoid lies even over the crazy paranoid lies of celebrities they're more aware of. I'm not sure why he would want something like that out there, but hey, I aim to please.