It Should! IT SHOULD Enrage You!

Please pick one: are you A. Enraged! B. Terrified! about Michelle Obama's Easter Egg hunt this year?

A.

This year's White House Easter Egg Roll has been turned into a "fat camp" to inflict exercise and the First Lady's "Let's Move!" healthy meal plans on kids who want just want to celebrate the season on the South Lawn.An e-mail from the "Let's Move!" campaign says the Easter Egg Roll has been turned into a "Let's Move! Social":There will even be a physical activity regime, something called "sports courts," and cooking demonstrations to "educate families," the White House Easter Egg Roll web page says.

 You might think this isn't a rage-inducing idea, but take a look at the comments!

Too bad she did not plan a "vacation" for the Easter Egg Roll Day!This is so disgusting........can not wait until we toss them out of the White House......

Leave it alone Mr's Obuman. The Egg hunt is a tridition. You are just a wife not a queen so stay in the kitchen and leave our traditions alone. This is the kids party not yours. You should keep your self in your own household and stay out of ours. Keep in mind that the egg hunt is held on the lawn of the People's House, not your house for 134 years. Who the hell do you think you are to take that tradition away. If I could send my grandchildren they would show up wearing T shirts protesting your theft of another American tradition from children but I guess you would find some obscure reason to have them denied access or even arested. We dont like your idea of change. We didn't just start to like America like you did. We were born in America and we were all born naked and poor. Some were white, some were black, some were brown and some were a bit yellow. As intigrated Americans some of us fought and died for America and our traditions while ohers served as patriots in other ways. So hurry up and go back to Chicago and take your un-American atitude with you. ROLL OUT THE EGGS.
amen

You have to admire the chutzpah and the arrogance of the obozos in presuming that we are all too stupid to adopt healthy eating and lifestyle choices without their interference.Their disdain for the population at large is palpable.

A Waste of Gunpowder and Sky

(Title from Aimee Mann, Fourth of July)

Don't get me wrong, I love the 4th of July as much as the next guy. You don't believe me, have a look at these pictures I just took at a celebration at Warner Ranch Park. Or listen to my Dark Meat show this week, all about the best goddamned country in the world.

What I don't like is fireworks.

I'm not afraid of them, like most dogs and a handful of children. I don't object to them as a war metaphor, like the hippies of my youth. Both fireworks AND football are fine with me if you want to enjoy 'em. Knock yourself out. It's just that, well, fireworks are boring.

Probably the thing is I think of a fireworks show as a show, a thing with a narrative, with a beginning, middle and end. And some time just before I hit puberty, I realized that it's always the same story. A firework goes off, another one does, pause, then another, then one that's louder but less visual, then a couple, then one, then after about twenty minutes they all go off at once. Then you all spend the next hour and a half trying to get to your car, and trying to leave the parking lot.

So I'm blogging alone in my apartment right now, listening to fireworks going off outside and trading quips on Facebook. This, to me, is where the action is.

Loving America By Dismantling Her Proud Traditions

What's for dinner tomorrow? Turkey? TERRORIST!

In a little-known strike against freedom, yet again, we are being forced into consuming meat slaughtered by means of a torturous method: Islamic slaughter.

Halal slaughter involves cutting the trachea, the esophagus, and the jugular vein, and letting the blood drain out while saying "Bismillah allahu akbar" -- in the name of Allah the greatest. Many people refuse to eat it on religious grounds. Many Christians, Hindus or Sikhs and Jews find it offensive to eat meat slaughtered according to Islamic ritual (although observant Jews are less likely to be exposed to such meat, because they eat kosher).

...Non-Muslims in America and Europe don't deserve to have halal turkey forced upon them in this way, without their knowledge or consent. So this Thanksgiving, fight for your freedom. Find a non-halal, non-Butterball turkey to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday. And write to Butterball and request, politely but firmly, that they stop selling only halal turkeys, and make non-halal turkeys available to Americans who still value our freedoms.

OMG, they're everywhere! Grow your own turkeys! And vegetables! Don't drink from public fountains! I have a friend whose friend ate some halal jerky and they totally started worshipping Allah.

I went to a number of Thanksgiving dinners where they said grace right in the room with me, and yet I'm still Atheist. Still, if she wants to open up a market for, let's say, ethnically pure turkeys with some kind of premium put on them, I suppose it won't be bad for business.

A Loose End

It just occurred to me that I have failed to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Republicans Hate Our American Traditions

I was just listening to a clip of Boehner complaining that no one had time to read the stimulus bill before it was voted into law. Meanwhile, over at Where Are My Keys there is a groundswell of outrage that even though the bill was sold as an emergency, President Obama isn't signing it today!

It's President's Day, on which we honor Washington and Lincoln, our two most beloved Presidents. Sure, we could defile their memories by treating it as just another day to conduct business on...

...or...

We could use the day to read the Stimulus Bill! Maybe one could start with a word search, looking for a single instance of the words "mouse" "mice" or "Las Vegas." For fun you could find the part where it makes you give up your guns.

Or you could spend the day demanding that our President ignore our national heritage and rush out to sign a bill that you've spent the month reviling. You're free to do either. This is America!

Bush Hands Me a Metaphor On A Silver Platter

No sooner do I finish writing about Law Day when I learn that yesterday, the President proclaimed May 1st Loyalty Day! As per the proclomation:

America was founded by patriots who risked their lives to bring freedom to our Nation. Today, our citizens are grateful for our Founding Fathers and confident in the principles that lead us forward. On Loyalty Day, we celebrate the blessings of freedom and remember our responsibility to continue our legacy of liberty.

So listen - here's your proof that the President values loyalty above everything else, even the law itself. As though it wasn't obvious already. Buy your streamers now - June 1st is "Public Disagreement Is Treason" Day.

Last Night's Disappointing Holiday Xmas Party

My company had its annual Christmas bash last night, and I was disappointed. It was all very pleasant, and everyone had a good time. That's my least favorite kind of Christmas party.

Understand, I have really high standards. I have been at the two sloppiest, sad, horrid Christmas parties ever. As a guy who feasts on Schadenfreude, I have to tell you last night's party (Ellen said, "everyone you work with is so NICE!") just didn't make the cut.

My first favorite Christmas party was for United Artists in the mid-nineties. The district manager made the tactical mistake of providing an open bar. For whatever reason, people were inclined to drink like fish that night. Everybody aired hidden resentments, there was an awful lot of...

I meant to post this half a month ago, and I just plain forgot to finish.

Let's just say I prefer xmas parties where everyone is drunker than I am, because I get to tease them later. Now fly, post, fly!