Big Ol' Hunk O' Meat

Today I am in receipt of a 6-inch summer sausage. The dark red vacuum-packed meat capsule is from Abbyland, a company which somehow forces kids to offer catalog items to their parents' work colleagues in order to raise money. Yes, I bought this sausage. Under no other circumstances would I consider owning this thing, though I have to admit it looks delicious. It has been sitting in my desk drawer all day and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm blogging about it, fer chrissake.
Should I have some? No. It is 150 calories per serving, and 12 grams of fat. This lump of spiced flesh I have in front of me, it contains 6 servings. Almost a thousand calories if I were to eat it all at once. 72 grams of fat. It's 38% sodium and 12% cholesterol. It's astonishing that the thing made it from Wisconsin all the way to California without our collective psychic energy somehow stopping it. Another nail in the coffin of the sixties.
The first three ingredients listed are beef (remember, in sausage that can be any part of the cow), salt and corn syrup solids (sugar). There is a drawing of an American Eagle on the label, though the sausage does not contain eagle. Although let's face it, it just might.
I am going to slice this very thin and eat it over the course of the next year and a half, two peices at a time. If anything interesting happens I'll get back to you.