Formerly Known As EXPERIMENT IN TERROR

Bob Woodward. I wrote half a blog here making fun of his dread over the implied threat in this letter from Gene Sperling. But I hear he's no longer claiming to feel threatened. So rather than the torrent of insults I was going to spew out here I think I'll just say this:

I admire Bob Woodward for his work, but I think he's mistaken in his characterization of the Obama administration as the source of most of the gridlock in Washington.

How DARE THEY CUT GOVERNMENT SERVICES!

Arizona officials — from the statehouse to Capitol Hill — were outraged on Tuesday at the Obama administration’s release of hundreds of illegal immigrants held in local jails to save money as huge budget cuts loom. 

“I’m appalled to learn the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has begun to release hundreds of illegal aliens from custody, the first of potentially thousands to soon be freed under the guise of federal budget cuts,” said Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who has long battled the White House on immigration matters. “This is pure political posturing and the height of absurdity, given that the releases are being granted before the federal sequestration cuts have even gone into effect.”

In Pinal County, about 70 miles north of the U.S.-Mexico border, Sheriff Paul Babeu told Newsmax that the release of hundreds of detainees over the weekend was “outrageous and unacceptable because there’s a direct and immediate impact to public safety of families in my county.”

To recap: Sequestration. A terrible, terrible idea. It was entirely Obama's idea. And now that it's going to happen, it will destroy the country. But it's only a pittance. We need to cut much more than this. And at least Obama has given us a spending cut without a tax hike, because the #obamaquester is entirely his idea.

Flattest Tax Ever! A Modest Proposal

Okay, I think I've finally found a fair system everyone can agree on.

Everybody, no matter what they make, pays $30,000 year in Federal Taxes.

See! No one is is unduly penalized because they make too much money that way! This and my other modest proposal, to completely eliminate the minimum wage, will ensure prosperity and high employment for everyone.

Now obviously, there are going to be some "takers" who refuse to pay. "I don't have a job!" or "I only make $20,000 a year!" they'll claim. Or even "If I pay that much in taxes I won't be about to afford food or shelter!" You even hear that one in response to unfair percentage-based tax proposals, like Cain's 9-9-9 plan. Those people are deadbeats, and they must be dealt with. I'd say imprison them but that's a little pricey. Better to force them to take Government jobs. Let's start with postal workers and teachers! Any job that a union handles now.

Then if those jobs fill up, the Government can contract them out to Monsanto or Haliburton. We can get a bulk rate for them.

As Long As Someone Delivers The Milk Daily

This is an issue? Listen I don't know about you, but my mail is largely an odious burden. I resent having to open up the mailbox on Saturdays. Once I do, I'm annoyed that I have to find places to throw it away, have to decide what to shred and what to just toss out. Oh and once in a while there is a bill, but 5 days a week will take care of that just fine.

Antisocial Networking

Will somebody please mole it up and join The Tea Party Community? I'd do it myself but let's face it, I wouldn't last 4 minutes before they saw my online history and threw me out. Then I couldn't repost all the things that they're too afraid to say out loud in the general population, because it gets distorted and makes them look bad.

But you, you can. Join, and funnel the information to me. I promise I will repost without distorting anything.

I'm In Ur RNC, Killing Ur Dudez

This can't be good.

RNC chairman Reince Priebus (OMG I JUST REALIZED HOW HE GOT THE JOB - HIS FIRST NAME IS HOW YOU PRONOUNCE RNC) has installed the famous "empty chair" from the convention in his office. You know, the one Clint Eastwood shouted at, mistaking it for the president. Priebus claims he's using it as a reminder of the terrible beating Republicans took in the last election. Lying, obviously.

For one thing, Preibus has insisted that the Republicans did just fine in the last election, narrowly losing where they lost at all. But more importantly the thing you have to remember about that chair - Republicans believe it can talk! They believe the chair is Obama!

No doubt the real plan is to interrogate the chair, to find out what it plans to do next and how it plans to steal our guns and bibles. You've made a terrible tactical error, Priebus. The chair will get into your head. You saw what it did to Eastwood - he started out perfectly rational and within 12 minutes he was a rambling, foaming crazy person.

Don't think it could happen to you, eh? What makes you different from @Rosas77? Or the hundreds of others across this great nation of ours? I'm telling you, for your own safety; at the very minimum cover the chair with a sheet or something.

A Dog-Whistle For the Rest Of Us

You are probably familiar with the term "dog-whistle" in politics; it's a talking point that is meant to mean something different to your people than it does to the outsiders. For example when John Sununu calls President Obama "lazy" it doesn't literally mean that - like all presidents, Obama works 14 hours a day and will never rack up as many vacation hours as the previous guy. But the stereotype of African Americans is that they're lazy. It's a reminder that he's black.

Democrats have had a hard time finding our own dog whistle, perhaps because we seem to be acquiring the moderates as well. If most of the country is in on it, how can there even be insiders? But I think I've stumbled on to something. Last night I tweeted this:

piker62Who knew? "The Obama Administration’s number one priority is the destruction of US defensive capability" http://t.co/6AI4PpT6 1/17/13 6:06 PM

I was amused by the idea that a guy would get himself elected president just so he could destroy our nation's defense. I mean, really, come on. But a few minutes later, I got this:

MaryForbes14@piker62 Glenn Beck knew over four years ago. Few listened. They are now. @GlennBeck 1/17/13 6:15 PM

This was even funnier to me, because someone thought I had taken the idea seriously.

piker62 @MaryForbes14 @glennbeck So he's not trying to instigate sharia law after all? 1/17/13 6:29 PM

MaryForbes14@piker62 @glennbeck It is all part of his agenda. You have to think bigger. He will make it happen fast. We have to be faster to stop him. 1/17/13 6:25 PM

So far I've had three retweets of my mocking, all by real conservatives. One has even subscribed to me!

This is our dog whistle - just quote these guys straight, at their worst. Let's face it, one of the reason we won so big in the last election was because the candidates did their own talking. "Legitimate Rape" makes its own gravy. And the best part is, the'll be thrilled that we're doing it.

Also, Just To Ensure The Blacks Vote Democrat...

10:15 am, Friday, Burwell Plantation, Coalitions-Discussion on Successful Comms w/ Minorities & Women.

That's right! For the discussion on ways to more effectively communicate with minorities, they chose one of four conference rooms in the hotel that's called BURWELL PLANTATION. Perhaps the Brown Sugar room wasn't available? 

Democrats Already Winning 2014, 2016

The GOP sure knows how to pick its issues! Sure they almost unanimously voted against sending FEMA money to the NorthEast in the wake of a huge hurricane in a densely populated area. It's not that they're against those people getting their lives back after a devastating storm. They just have priorities.

Similarly, it's not that Bobby Jindahl wants old people to suffer by eliminating hospice care. He wishes they had the funds. But they don't! Because...

...they need them to prevent Gays from marrying!

Not That HIS Opinion Matters

Strictly speaking Ronald Reagan DID support gun control during his term.

In 1986, [Reagan] signed into law the Firearm Owners Protection Act, which “banned ownership of any fully automatic rifles that were not already registered on the day the law was signed.” He later backed the Brady bill, expressing support for “a seven-day waiting period before a purchaser could take possession of a handgun, an even more stringent restriction than the five day cooling-off period that was included in the final legislation, and less stringent than the 15-day cooling-off period he signed into law as governor of California.”

But maybe, I dunno, he was nuts by then?

Bipartisan Compromise, Hail-Of-Bullets Edition

Here's a petition you can sign!

Eliminate armed guards for the President, Vice-President, and their families, and establish Gun Free Zones around them

Gun Free Zones are supposed to protect our children, and some politicians wish to strip us of our right to keep and bear arms. Those same politicians and their families are currently under the protection of armed Secret Service agents. If Gun Free Zones are sufficient protection for our children, then Gun Free Zones should be good enough for politicians.

Some people won't really go for it though. So here's what I'm thinking: howzabout everywhere is a gun-free zone, unless someone there gets a certain amount of death threats per week, say a dozen. That way it's not hypocritical.

Plus pro tip: if you want your child's school to allow guns, write a bunch of letters THREATENING YOUR CHILD! Then arm the kid and send him on his way. Of course, you're probably home-schooling your child, in which case why are you even bothering with all this?

Good Optics, NRA!

What a brilliant idea! After the New York Journal-news published a map of registered gun owners (it's public knowledge in New York, apparently) the NRA has retaliated by posting a list of pro-gun-control businesses and celebrities.

That'll teach those guys a lesson! Let THEM live in fear that someone with an assault rifle will walk in off the street and shoot up the place! Oh, wait...

No Apologies

You know, I'm in a conciliatory mood here at the end of the year. My life is pretty good. I have disagreement with some Republicans about some issues, but by and large people are people. They come by their opinions honestly and are just trying to make America a better place.

So it's true I may have said some things in the last 12 months that may have offended these good people. And as they'd be quick to point out, it's wrong to offend people, especially just for the sake of offending.

On behalf of the whole Democrat party, including our President Barack Hussein Obummerz, I'd like to apologize. We should have compromised and voted for John Boehner's Plan B option in congress.  We shouldn't wage an annual war on Christmas, because America is a Christian Nation. By the way, quit making trouble you Jews!

We're sorry we opposed the election of Mitt Romney for president. That was just wrong, to force our unpopular president on the nation when everybody all loved Mitt Romney so much.

We're sorry we keep bringing up... they guy who was in the White House between Clinton and NobaMMa. Do you know, some DemocRats blame TARP and the auto bailouts and Fast and Furious on that guy?

We apologize for allowing this to happen.

We apologize for making fun of Dick Morris, who is always right.

We apologize for controlling the media. Why don't we step aside and give someone else a chance, huh?

Oh, lunch hour is over. Gotta get back to my job. Ah what the hell... I'll quit and just mooch off the job creators by filing for unemployment and demanding a phone and an Escalade. What's more, I'll insist on getting my social security instead of giving it up. I'm an American! We're America's worst nightmare!

Sorry about that.

And You Thought It Was Because He Didn't Have One

Mitt Romney - during the campaign, did it ever seem like his heart really wasn't in the whole being president thing? Well, it probably wasn't.

More than being reticent, Romney was at first far from sold on a second presidential run. Haunted by his 2008 loss, he initially told his family he would not do it. While candidates often try to portray themselves as reluctant, Tagg insisted his father’s stance was genuine. 

“He wanted to be president less than anyone I’ve met in my life. He had no desire to . . . run,” said Tagg, who worked with his mother, Ann, to persuade his father to seek the presidency. “If he could have found someone else to take his place . . . he would have been ecstatic to step aside. He is a very private person who loves his family deeply and wants to be with them, but he has deep faith in God and he loves his country, but he doesn’t love the attention.”

Who else has Tagg Romney met, who was reluctant to run for President? Hmmm.

Anyway, that would explain THAT campaign pretty handily, right?

The First Casualty is Talking Points

In today's speech by Wayne LaPierre the trusted Frenchman proposed that schools be patrolled by armed volunteers, trained by the NRA. It caused a shockwave throughout the conservative community, because they had to weigh this idea against the idea of gun control. The volunteers won.

Why? Because.

A: Airport security is actually effective and has prevented terrorism. You might have thought from reading that a lot of the right regarded the TSA as useless but you were mistaken - a knee-jerk reaction to a single incident is just what the doctor ordered!

B: The New Black Panthers and union thugs aren't dangerous at all! As you can see from this conversation, they're just as likely to be folk who you want to give a rifle to so they can be around your kids all day.

C. Violent rhetoric leads to violence. Remember when I was all, dude, maybe back up on the "tree of liberty" talk and they were all, hey, chill, crazy people be crazy no matter what you say, yo? Turns out they don't believe that at all! It's movies and videogames and rap music that causes these shootings.

So a volunteer national army trained and financed by the NRA is the sensible solution to gun violence, and silencing the media is the only way to protect America's freedom to carry arms. It's guaranteed in the constitution!

How Do We Prevent Another Newtown Shooting?

Well, let's start with the obvious: Glenn Beck tweeted:

Yes, it has to be guns. Everything else we are doing with our kids is good. Found in toy dept for kids age 6 MONTHS

— Glenn Beck (@glennbeck) December 18, 2012

Giving kids pretend iPhone cases OBVIOUSLY leads to school shootings by adults.

Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, is sure those kids were shot because God isn't allowed in schools. That's logical! Either God has no power in places where prayer isn't allowed (I wonder how he got along before language?) or even worse, GOD KILLED THOSE KIDS because he wanted to call attention to the lack of prayer. No wonder it's called "God-fearing"! I'm an atheist and right now, I'm scared s***less.



Neither of these things seems to DIRECTLY address the problem. Some of my crazy far-left lunatics are saying if there were less guns available for sale, there would be less shootings. HA! More sensible heads are prevailing; the solution is to arm the teachers duh. The violent union thug teachers must carry semi-automatics themselves. Of course, no one wants to talk about who's paying for the guns, ammo and training. NOT MY TAX DOLLARS, THAT'S FOR SURE. Let 'em buy that stuff themselves, like they do pencils and books.

Requesting Guidance From The Right

Are any of the tweets listed in this Wonkette post racist? Because you know, we liberals see racism in everything.

Politics Is Uninteresting Because It's All Over Next Week Anyway

These people with their fiscal cliff talks and plans for the coming year - come on now! Anybody who is paying attention knows that 9 days from now, the world ends! It ends before the current misbegotten session of Congress does! No matter what you're up to, the catch phrase that covers it: THERE AIN'T NO FUTURE IN THAT.

With that in mind, I just bought a refrigerator on credit. It delivers to my place on the 19th, and the first payment is due (haha) next month, as if there were such a thing. For two glorious days I can enjoy perfectly chilled food and significant energy savings, and then bang, aloha, I don't have to worry about it any more.

Actually it is kinda interesting to watch politics. The Republicans are arguing that they must be allowed to completely rewrite 50 years of law by the end of the year or they will take us over a fiscal cliff. Tall order, Republicans! You're bluffing of course. You'll probably say you just started on the 18th and were totally planning to be finished by December 30th.

I should talk. I promised to visit my Mom on Christmas.

III Citadel - Everybody Wins!

Since the election there has been a lot of talk about this state or that state seceding from the United States, almost as if they didn't want to have a black guy as their boss. (I know what you're going to say, but you didn't hear that when Clinton or Carter was president) Anyway, there was this unfortunate Supreme Court decision after the civil war which kind of made that impossible. But there must be a solution! Where can people who love America but can't stand the lazy, president-loving Americans who live in it go? Hopefully, here!

The cornerstone of the Citadel is III Arms Company, an industry to support the first wave of Patriots who will become modern American Pioneers. We will build Fighting Arms and ammunition for Patriots and around us a town will begin to grow. Other revenue streams are already in the works. Our intent is to purchase at least one thousand acres, and construct a walled town of at least one square mile to withstand any potential violence from hungry, diseased Souls. Obviously the Citadel is not being built to defy any laws of the United States or the State of Idaho, or to withstand any .gov or .mil attack. Our fortifications are merely defensive for a SHTF world. 

The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

It's like a gated community, only with more weapons. And apparently geared towards defense against government run websites like .gov or .mil.

Look, I think it's a great idea. We can't stop these people from voting but at least we can keep them in a box right? Throw some money at them. Let's make it happen.

Finally, The Rice Controversy Boiled Down

"McCain, Graham, and Ayotte immediately told reporters that the real scandal here is that when Rice went on TV, she said a thing that turned out not to be true, simply because the CIA had told her that thing, and instead of simply saying “we don’t know,” she said that they thought maybe it was one thing, but they were still looking into it. How dare she mislead the American people like that!
No, really, that is the actual controversy, as near as we can figure out."

- Wonkette