The Right Pushes Back Against Fairness and Balance

A compendium of fun reactions to Shepherd Smith's recent remarks.

Some Material For the "Angry Left" Crowd

It's a bad time for conservative pundits to put their books on Amazon, where anyone can comment on them. Case in point - JOE THE PLUMBER: FIGHTING FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM.

"The people I know are regular Joes like JTP. We're not elitists, we strive for mediocrity in all fields. We like our beer cold and our tats big. This is the American Dream. So what if JTP isn't named Joe, isn't a plumber, and didn't even write this book. I respect him more for it in fact. I'm not going to read the book anyway. "

"Hey, let's not bust JTP too quickly. Think about how much he's living the true American Dream. He's got no talent, no plumber's license, he's got a 3rd grade vocabulary, the adoration of genuflecting idiots willing to buy this book, he's parlayed his utterly forgettable persona and totally lucky stumble into "fame" into some real American "long green" and he's laughing all the way to the bank. Let's be honest: isn't that pretty much a dream life (American or otherwise)??? I applaud Joe's total sell-out because he knows it's the sole way he could ever climb out of the hole that is his real life. And lastly, this book is the same stuff that backs up in the toilets he ostensibly "fixes". After reading it, wash your hands before returning to work. "

"I bought this for humorous reasons-- my dad is a dittohead and quite far right and I thought this would make a good birthday present. Man, was I mistaken. Not only was he offended that anyone would think "Joe" represents him or his views, he was genuinely angry I gave the guy any of my money. This is from a man that has read every single Bill O'Reilly book in existence (including his fiction and his works for children). So save yourself the family squabble and get him a nice Rush Limbaugh book. Nothing plays like the old favorites. "

Everybody Hates Scott

I came across Scott McClellan on PBS's NEWSHOUR Friday night. After a solid week of reactions to his new book, he seemed like the old Scott again - dodging questions, answering in vague generalities, defensive and sweaty. The whole interview went a little like this exchange:

JEFFREY BROWN: You use terms like "shading the truth." Is that a euphemism for lying or purposely misleading?

SCOTT MCCLELLAN: Well, I think that this is the example that there are many good people that come to D.C. for the right reasons, to get things done for the American people and make a positive difference, but they get caught up in this permanent campaign culture that exists and they lose sight of some of the more important objectives of working across the aisle.

He held onto that "permanent campaign culture" talking point like a Titanic survivor holds onto a floating steamer trunk. What he was trying to avoid, apparently, was singling out George Bush. Maybe he feared it would make him look like a disgruntled former employee. Maybe he feared a sheaf of death threats left at his hotel room. Speculation of course, because he didn't say ANYTHING definite at all.

I wouldn't blame him if he were disgruntled, by the way. He insists that he didn't know he was lying to the American people as press secretary, but on some level he must have known. You can see it in the panicked whites of his eyes. He was too easy to read. Therefore he made a lousy press secretary, and they let him go. But if I were him I'd be angry that they ever put me in that position in the first place.

Now of course, the criticism levelled against him from the right is that he is disloyal, and that he's making it all up now, but he was telling the truth while he was press secretary. Strikes me as an unlikely scenario (the practical definition of press secretary has never been "teller of the truth") but they're running with it anyway. As for disloyalty, it goes both ways. But McClellan, spinning his book to keep the president out of it, showed so much loyalty on Friday that you'd think the interview was on Fox News.

By the way, have they sat him down on Fox yet? That would be a pretty interesting 45 seconds. 30 if they give him to O'Reilly.

--Amendment, 6/3: Lookie there! McClellan appeared on O'Reilly last night! I'm tempted to assume that the administration concluded that putting that 'tude in mild-mannered Bob Dole's mouth just didn't work and they decided to bust out the big gun. In any event the substance was the same - "how dare you say those things, and show disloyalty!" The substance was not "you're lying!" When you can't kill the message, destroy the messenger.

Bush Hands Me a Metaphor On A Silver Platter

No sooner do I finish writing about Law Day when I learn that yesterday, the President proclaimed May 1st Loyalty Day! As per the proclomation:

America was founded by patriots who risked their lives to bring freedom to our Nation. Today, our citizens are grateful for our Founding Fathers and confident in the principles that lead us forward. On Loyalty Day, we celebrate the blessings of freedom and remember our responsibility to continue our legacy of liberty.

So listen - here's your proof that the President values loyalty above everything else, even the law itself. As though it wasn't obvious already. Buy your streamers now - June 1st is "Public Disagreement Is Treason" Day.

Devil Went Down To Provo

It's unfair to base your opinions of an entire political party on the crazy statements of a couple of fringe elements. In fact, it's hilariously unfair. Quoting the Salt Lake Tribune:

Utah County GOP Chairwoman Marian Monnahan says District 65 Chairman Don Larsen's resolution - asserting that illegal immigration is the devil's plan to destroy the nation by "stealth invasion" - "in no way" is endorsed by the Republican Party.

As Larsen helpfully points out in his resolution, “In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.” Larsen thinks it is important to get this language into the public books, perhaps because we will be able to touch Satan's forehead with them and make him dissolve into a shower of sparks and dust.

The KUTV coverage of this story provided both a drawing of the devil (he resembles Cesar Romero) and a link to this story. Last year a Republican Congressional candidate in Salt Lake City named John Jacob blamed the Devil for his difficult campaign.

Jacob says that since he decided to run for Congress, Satan has disrupted his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.

Yep, that's right - the devil is responsible for keeping rich people out of politics. You know what that means: Satan is on Obama's side! By the way, the devil featured in this article looks more like Montel Williams, only green against a red gradient background. Curious choice, as if the devil hasn't yet been dropped into boiling water, but he'll be delicious afterward.

So as a fair-minded liberal blogger, the power of Christ compels me to point out that the majority of Republican candidates almost never blame their failures of Satan. Publicly. Like any good football team they will cite Jesus when they win something, but so will lots of Democrats. I just don't want you to go around thinking that Republicans are prone to blame everything that goes wrong on some otherworldly scapegoat.

They usually use Clinton for that.

DeLay Feeds The Meme

Here's a little anecdote which illustrates why it's so frustrating to argue with Republicans. Hat tip to THINKPROGRESS, which in turn tips its virtual hat to Daily Kos.

Matthews grilled DeLay about passages in his book where he apparently ripped into fellow corrupt Texan Dick Armey, eventually asking the Hammer about describing Armey as “drunk with ambition.” DeLay denied writing that. “I wrote that he was ‘blinded by his ambition.’” Matthews starts flipping though the book and finds the “drunk with ambition” quote and reads it to Bug Man. And DeLay keeps denying it. Finally, Chris hands the book to Tom and tells him to read it himself. DeLay looks down, pauses, and says “I don’t have my glasses.”

Click on the title and you can watch it yourself.

So you have all the elements - niggling over the the choice of words (I'm open to suggestion over "niggling" by the way) and refusing to admit you're wrong, ever, even in the face of obvious evidence. These aren't necessarily bad qualities, by the way; but if you're wrong most of the time it makes you look as dumb as a bush.

DeLay is going to be an increasing source of entertainment in the coming years too, because he is so firmly in denial about everything. I'm certain, for example, that he still believes that he's a commentator on CNN despite CNN insisting he is not. The Flat Earth Society NEEDS Tom DeLay. He can also loan out his services to that camp that claims they can cure Gay.

Shake That Box Of Rats

A guy I used to do improv with was fond of quoting this behavioral experiment. If you put a bunch of rats in a box, and close it up, then start shaking the box, the rats will attack each other. Perhaps it's because they don't know who to attack to make the box stop shaking.

In the case of the right wing blogosphere, it's because the box is just shaking on its own. There is so much indefensible crap going on at the White House nowadays that writing about it is out of the question. Madeline's Dad at Where Are My Keys has creatively taken to complaining that the Liberal Media isn't covering the Sandy Berger documents smuggling story. It's not exactly news at this point, but at least he hasn't started snapping at his boxmates.

For that spectacle, enjoy this account over at Firedog Lake of the public bitch-slapping going on between Matt Drudge and Michelle Malkin. Sample Drudge:

Maybe I’ll stand in front of like a blue screen and hold a banana and start talking into the Internets. (Sneering tone) ‘This is Matt Drudge reporting on Hot Air.’ Agggh. You know. It’s ridiculous. Looks like, you know, Captain Kangaroo time, Michelle. Get real.

Sample Malkin:

You would think someone with a website design circa 1980 might appreciate our priorities.

Indeed. Meanwhile Scarborough snaps at O'Reilly, and everybody hates Alberto. Whew, it's getting hot in here!

It's wrong of me to take pleasure in this. Deliciously wrong. But the sheer novelty of watching the synchronized talking-points team disagree with each other is a spectacle I can't help but savor. I'm thinking of getting one of those paint-mixer machines like they have a Home Depot, to shake the box faster.

ANOTHER Bad Omen For Gonzalez

Bush said this morning that he stands behind him 100%