God Damns America! Says Michele Bachmann

Up until now we've been blaming terrorists and Obama for these things, but it's time we acknowledge the truth: God is not on our side.God hates us and has no problem smiting us down. He's just firing warning shots first to see if we'll try to butter him up.

The Berean Baptist Church Knows What Jesus Would Do

And verily I say unto thee, seek out the least amongst you and PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT.

Loving America By Dismantling Her Proud Traditions

What's for dinner tomorrow? Turkey? TERRORIST!

In a little-known strike against freedom, yet again, we are being forced into consuming meat slaughtered by means of a torturous method: Islamic slaughter.

Halal slaughter involves cutting the trachea, the esophagus, and the jugular vein, and letting the blood drain out while saying "Bismillah allahu akbar" -- in the name of Allah the greatest. Many people refuse to eat it on religious grounds. Many Christians, Hindus or Sikhs and Jews find it offensive to eat meat slaughtered according to Islamic ritual (although observant Jews are less likely to be exposed to such meat, because they eat kosher).

...Non-Muslims in America and Europe don't deserve to have halal turkey forced upon them in this way, without their knowledge or consent. So this Thanksgiving, fight for your freedom. Find a non-halal, non-Butterball turkey to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday. And write to Butterball and request, politely but firmly, that they stop selling only halal turkeys, and make non-halal turkeys available to Americans who still value our freedoms.

OMG, they're everywhere! Grow your own turkeys! And vegetables! Don't drink from public fountains! I have a friend whose friend ate some halal jerky and they totally started worshipping Allah.

I went to a number of Thanksgiving dinners where they said grace right in the room with me, and yet I'm still Atheist. Still, if she wants to open up a market for, let's say, ethnically pure turkeys with some kind of premium put on them, I suppose it won't be bad for business.

Another Warning to Jewish Republicans

Earlier this week, GOP gubernatorial candidate and Kentucky Senate President David Williams fired at Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear (D) for taking part in a ceremonial Hindu ground blessing — accusing Beshear of “idolatry” for attending the Hindu ceremony. On Wednesday, Williams clarified his remarks, but his clarification is even more offensive than his original statement. Although Williams says that it is everyone’s “right to be a Hindu person if they want to,” he hopes “their eyes are opened and they receive Jesus Christ as their personal savior.”

That's right Lieberman - vote with whoever you please, but remember that they're going to tie you up and baptize you first chance they get.

As it happens, I hope that Williams realizes that all organized religion is a means toward fundraising, and that he renounces them. But I'm not making laws on his behalf.

Finally, Repbulicans Introduce a Jobs Bill

The Republican sponsor of a resolution reaffirming that "In God We Trust" is the national motto of the U.S. said his legislation is needed because President Obama and other public officials often forget that designation.

"Unfortunately, there are a number of public officials who forget what the national motto is, whether intentionally or unintentionally," Rep. Randy Forbes (R-Va.) said in late Tuesday afternoon debate in the House. "There are those who become confused as to whether or not it can still be placed on our buildings, whether it can be placed in our school classrooms.

"Almost a year ago, the president in making a speech across the world said that our national motto was 'E pluribus unum,' " Forbes added. "When the Visitor Center was opened ... they did not have the national motto in there. In fact, they inscribed in the stones that our national motto was 'E pluribus unum.' "

Sorry, My mistake. I assumed by now they were going to introduce a jobs bill.

BTW, A Morbid Obesity Diet? Really?

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people, because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet, and we've got to rein in the spending."

-Michele Bachmann, in Florida over the weekend

Considering that the hurricane wasn't as severe as advertised, I'm thinking this is what God was trying to tell people. "People who predict dire consequences for things that usually have none are often embarrassed. For example, Gay marriage has no potential to ruin straight marriage. Raising taxes on job creators won't stop them from creating jobs. Oh and if you can't use incandescent bulbs 20 years from now, it's no biggie. Believe me."

Early Shots in the War On Jews

(CNN) – One of the nation’s most prominent evangelicals has entered the debate over whether Anthony Weiner will benefit from therapy, encouraging the embattled Jewish New York congressman to try Jesus instead.

Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, tweeted this message of the weekend: “Dear Congressman Weiner: There is no effective ‘treatment’ for sin. Only atonement, found only in Jesus Christ."

The tweet set some tongues a wagging, especially because Weiner is Jewish.

USA Today said the remark echoed Fox News' Brit Hume comment that golfer Tiger Woods, a Buddhist, should try Christianity after he became embroiled in a sex scandal last year.

Mohler, who leads the flagship school of the Southern Baptist Convention - the nation's largest evangelical denomination – took to his blog Tuesday to defend himself amid the controversy, noting that his tweet “never mentioned Judaism.”

Remember, every time they say America is a "Christian Nation" and there's a "war on Christmas" this is what they really mean - convert now! This is why I can never be a Republican - I'm an atheist. They won't even let me in the tent.

Fun Questions For Your Rapture-Believing Friends

What time exactly will the Rapture take place?

Does that mean that the rapture will happen hour by hour across time zones? Why haven't any Australians been taken already?

Why is God leaving people behind for a while? Why not send us all to hell? What are God's plan for the Earth once we're cleared off?

Why didn't this happen in 1994?

Why are you at work?

How come the part about people flying to heaven isn't in, you know, the Bible?

Proof That the Tea Party is a Bunch of Atheists

They're willing to parody The BIBLE to support free market ideals. Or their love of archaic technology so blinds them that they cannot see what they do. (Picture h/t Wonkette)

The Egg and O

Washington -- President Obama and his family attended Easter services Sunday at a Washington church founded in 1863 by freed slaves.

The first family entered Shiloh Baptist Church to a round of applause on a sun-splashed day in the nation's capital as members of a choir dressed in black sang "Total Praise."

Obama shook a few hands and hugged some members of the congregation as he and his wife, Michelle, and their daughters, Malia and Sasha, walked to a second-row pew.

According to the church's pastor, Dr. Wallace Charles Smith, 21 freed slaves made it to the nation's capital from Fredericksburg, Va., to establish a place where they could worship freely and where "they could reach others with the good news of their salvation."

Thanks Fox News/Associated Press from Sunday! So what else is going on?

Barack Hussein Obama ignored Easter yesterday. He issued no statements of any kind, no “Happy Easter”, no nothing. By comparison he has issued glowing, effusive statements of praise for each and every Muslim holiday since he took office. Hasn’t missed one of them. So it is quite interesting that yesterday as believers celebrated the Risen Lord Jesus around the the globe, that the God of Heaven who controls the wind and the weather chose to strike the White House with lightning. And something tells me that there’s more coming…stay tuned.

“A storm rapidly materialized in the Southern sky, and swept from the National Mall toward the White House. Instantly, there seemed to be lightning bolts dropping out of the heavens all around 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue–and the wind kicked up dramatically.

What is God trying to tell us? GOD WANTS US TO KEEP OUT OF CHURCH.

You Decide

I'm thrilled to say I'm not making this up. Fox Nation has found something that even eluded Glenn Beck!

This is an incredible piece of video. At the 1:20 mark you clearly see some greenish figure moving through the crowd.

Between the crowds of protesters and barricades, the video shows a flowing, pale green image that resembles an erect rider atop a horse in Medieval-like barding. The ethereal figure remains for a few moments before floating over protesters' heads and off the screen.

Is this the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse?"

Yes! It is totally the end of history! The rapture has already started, as per revelations! Quick, buy gold! Wait a minute... if you lived a pure life, you won't NEED gold! Just who is the audience for Fox anyway?

I haven't had so much fun since a couple of weeks ago, when the aliens on V introduced a "machine to identify and extract the human soul."

Bright Ideas to Stop Terrorism

A Muslim joke so offensive, even Mediaite gives it bad marks:

But here's the thing, the concept is totally sound! If we take that defense money we're spending on ICBMs and put it into bioengineering, we can develop a metal/pork alloy that will protect us from bombs! Ain't no terrist wants to be touched by pork, even pork alloy! You don't want to blow up something if it's going to touch your lips as it explodes, and keep you from heaven!

We stop the threat of terrorism and keep our nation's farmers solvent at the same time! Get on board with this!

This Just Proves What An Insecure Guy God Really Is

Correction: Do You Miss Me Now Edition

Earlier in a comment, I misattributed the following quote to Barack Obama. The correct attribution is below. Keepin' It Real Yo regrets the error.

"Islam is a vibrant faith. Millions of our fellow citizens are Muslim. We respect the faith. We honor its traditions. Our enemy does not. Our enemy doesn't follow the great traditions of Islam. They've hijacked a great religion."

Remarks by President George W. Bush on U.S. Humanitarian Aid to Afghanistan
Presidential Hall, Dwight David Eisenhower Executive Office Building, Washington, D.C.
October 11, 2002

ALL Christians Torture Heathens on the Rack

A very good reason for me to not weigh in on the "Ground Zero Mosque" controversey is I don't live in New York, and I'm not Muslim. Also come to think of it, it's a community center and not a mosque. And it's not proposed for ground zero.

So if I WERE going to weigh in about it, I'd probably say something like Eboo Patel of the Interfaith Youth Corps said on CNN.

Patel: In America, we don't tell people based on their race or religion or ethnicity that they are free in this place, but not in that place --

Lemon: [interrupting] I understand that, but there's always context, Mr. Patel . . . this is an extraordinary circumstance. You understand that this is very heated. Many people lost their loved ones on 9/11 --

Patel: Including Muslim Americans who lost their loved ones. . . .

Lemon: Consider the context here. That's what I'm talking about.

Patel: I have to tell you that this seems a little like telling black people 50 years ago: you can sit anywhere on the bus you like - just not in the front.

Lemon: I think that's apples and oranges - I don't think that black people were behind a Terrorist plot to kill people and drive planes into a building. That's a completely different circumstance.

Patel: And American Muslims were not behind the terrorist plot either.

My ex-neice is Muslim. A remarkable young woman, brave and intelligent, and like almost all Muslims, not a terrorist. I am a white male, and I've never felt the need to enslave a black man. I know a lot of Republicans, and to my knowlege none of them has ever bombed an abortion clinic.

The Museum of Tolerance has come out against this community center, prompting Peter Gross on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this last weekend to joke that they are building a Museum of Irony across the street. Point is, if we don't behave like adults here and stop knee-jerking around with the Muslim community, we'll never get them on our side where we need them. America has enough enemies without turning our friends into them also.

Are There Any Dinosaurs Who AREN'T Tax Cheats?

A federal judge has cleared the way for the government's seizure of a creationism theme park in Pensacola owned by a couple convicted of tax fraud.

A ruling by U.S. District Judge Casey Rodgers states that the nine properties that make up Dinosaur Adventure Land as well as two bank accounts associated with the park will be used to satisfy $430,400 owed to the federal government.

Kent Hovind, who founded the park and a ministry, Creation Science Evangelism, is serving 10 years in federal prison for failing to pay the Internal Revenue Service more than $470,000 in employee taxes.

See, it's not just Obama appointees!

God Has Forsaken Republicans

The only opinion poll that matters: eight years ago George Bush averred that he ran for President because God wanted him in office. But look at this World Net Daily interview with "Joe" the "Plumber":

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, "I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, 'No.'"

He continued, "I believe he's gotten me on this grassroots movement. If I can encourage leaders to step up, that's what I would like to do. That's a heavy role. That's something I don't know if I am prepared to do yet."

But Wurzelbacher said he will keep that door open if God ever calls him to be that leader.

That's right, even God himself is telling those cats to lay low for a while. And after all they've done for him! You know what, I think God is a RINO. He should be kicked out of the party.

Eureka!

Watching the stimulus debate this weekend (why is it still going on, by the way?) I was taken by an observation: Republicans don't want to spend money, ANY money, to improve the lives of Americans. Which is valid. I can see the free-market alternative to that, though I don't think it's the cure-all that the rhetoric would suggest.

However, how do you reconcile this to the willingness to keep pouring American money into Iraq? We went in there, as I understand the story nowadays, to save the Iraquis from a brutal dictator. And we want to stay in there past the SOF agreement to save them from terrorists and the Taliban.

Republicans, it seems, love Iraqi Muslims but hate Christian Americans.

Re: Pastor Rick Warren

Having him speak at the inaguration is a nice guesture, but I doubt it's going to change any minds. Personally I'm hoping he says something extreme ("the gays control the banks and the media") but I don't think Rick rolls that way.

Look for few surprises in the next four years. I think, as a nation, we need less surprises for a while anyway.

Merry Christmas From The American Family Association

Let Your "Light" Shine For Christ This Christmas Season!

Looking for an effective way to express your Christian faith this Christmas season to honor our Lord Jesus? Now you can.... with the "Original Christmas Cross" yard decoration.

Light up your front yard, porch, patio, driveway, business, organization or church this holiday season with a stunning Christmas cross.

This beautiful Christmas Cross is 5.5 feet tall, with 210 individual ultra bright lights.

As Andrew Sullivan says, "just don't put it on someone else's lawn."