Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm In Ur RNC, Killing Ur Dudez

This can't be good.

RNC chairman Reince Priebus (OMG I JUST REALIZED HOW HE GOT THE JOB - HIS FIRST NAME IS HOW YOU PRONOUNCE RNC) has installed the famous "empty chair" from the convention in his office. You know, the one Clint Eastwood shouted at, mistaking it for the president. Priebus claims he's using it as a reminder of the terrible beating Republicans took in the last election. Lying, obviously.

For one thing, Preibus has insisted that the Republicans did just fine in the last election, narrowly losing where they lost at all. But more importantly the thing you have to remember about that chair - Republicans believe it can talk! They believe the chair is Obama!

No doubt the real plan is to interrogate the chair, to find out what it plans to do next and how it plans to steal our guns and bibles. You've made a terrible tactical error, Priebus. The chair will get into your head. You saw what it did to Eastwood - he started out perfectly rational and within 12 minutes he was a rambling, foaming crazy person.

Don't think it could happen to you, eh? What makes you different from @Rosas77? Or the hundreds of others across this great nation of ours? I'm telling you, for your own safety; at the very minimum cover the chair with a sheet or something.

Friday, January 18, 2013

A Dog-Whistle For the Rest Of Us

You are probably familiar with the term "dog-whistle" in politics; it's a talking point that is meant to mean something different to your people than it does to the outsiders. For example when John Sununu calls President Obama "lazy" it doesn't literally mean that - like all presidents, Obama works 14 hours a day and will never rack up as many vacation hours as the previous guy. But the stereotype of African Americans is that they're lazy. It's a reminder that he's black.

Democrats have had a hard time finding our own dog whistle, perhaps because we seem to be acquiring the moderates as well. If most of the country is in on it, how can there even be insiders? But I think I've stumbled on to something. Last night I tweeted this:

piker62Who knew? "The Obama Administration’s number one priority is the destruction of US defensive capability"
1/17/13 6:06 PM

I was amused by the idea that a guy would get himself elected president just so he could destroy our nation's defense. I mean, really, come on. But a few minutes later, I got this:

MaryForbes14@piker62 Glenn Beck knew over four years ago. Few listened. They are now. @GlennBeck
1/17/13 6:15 PM 
This was even funnier to me, because someone thought I had taken the idea seriously.
@MaryForbes14 @glennbeck So he's not trying to instigate sharia law after all?
1/17/13 6:29 PM
MaryForbes14@piker62 @glennbeck It is all part of his agenda. You have to think bigger. He will make it happen fast. We have to be faster to stop him.
1/17/13 6:25 PM 
So far I've had three retweets of my mocking, all by real conservatives. One has even subscribed to me!

This is our dog whistle - just quote these guys straight, at their worst. Let's face it, one of the reason we won so big in the last election was because the candidates did their own talking. "Legitimate Rape" makes its own gravy. And the best part is, the'll be thrilled that we're doing it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Also, Just To Ensure The Blacks Vote Democrat...

10:15 am, Friday, Burwell Plantation, Coalitions-Discussion on Successful Comms w/ Minorities & Women.
That's right! For the discussion on ways to more effectively communicate with minorities, they chose one of four conference rooms in the hotel that's called BURWELL PLANTATION. Perhaps the Brown Sugar room wasn't available? 

Democrats Already Winning 2014, 2016

The GOP sure knows how to pick its issues! Sure they almost unanimously voted against sending FEMA money to the NorthEast in the wake of a huge hurricane in a densely populated area. It's not that they're against those people getting their lives back after a devastating storm. They just have priorities.

Similarly, it's not that Bobby Jindahl wants old people to suffer by eliminating hospice care. He wishes they had the funds. But they don't! Because...

...they need them to prevent Gays from marrying!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Not That HIS Opinion Matters

Strictly speaking Ronald Reagan DID support gun control during his term.

In 1986, [Reagan] signed into law the Firearm Owners Protection Act, which “banned ownership of any fully automatic rifles that were not already registered on the day the law was signed.” He later backed the Brady bill, expressing support for “a seven-day waiting period before a purchaser could take possession of a handgun, an even more stringent restriction than the five day cooling-off period that was included in the final legislation, and less stringent than the 15-day cooling-off period he signed into law as governor of California.”
But maybe, I dunno, he was nuts by then?

Monday, January 14, 2013

Bipartisan Compromise, Hail-Of-Bullets Edition

Here's a petition you can sign!

Eliminate armed guards for the President, Vice-President, and their families, and establish Gun Free Zones around them

Gun Free Zones are supposed to protect our children, and some politicians wish to strip us of our right to keep and bear arms. Those same politicians and their families are currently under the protection of armed Secret Service agents. If Gun Free Zones are sufficient protection for our children, then Gun Free Zones should be good enough for politicians.
Some people won't really go for it though. So here's what I'm thinking: howzabout everywhere is a gun-free zone, unless someone there gets a certain amount of death threats per week, say a dozen. That way it's not hypocritical.

Plus pro tip: if you want your child's school to allow guns, write a bunch of letters THREATENING YOUR CHILD! Then arm the kid and send him on his way. Of course, you're probably home-schooling your child, in which case why are you even bothering with all this?

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Good Optics, NRA!

What a brilliant idea! After the New York Journal-news published a map of registered gun owners (it's public knowledge in New York, apparently) the NRA has retaliated by posting a list of pro-gun-control businesses and celebrities.

That'll teach those guys a lesson! Let THEM live in fear that someone with an assault rifle will walk in off the street and shoot up the place! Oh, wait...