Again With Political Celebrities! Jeez.

TEXARKANA, TEXAS Shannon Richardson had been married to her husband less than two years when she went to authorities and told them her suspicions: He was the one who had mailed ricin-laced letters to President Barack Obama and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg threatening violence against gun-control advocates.

When investigators looked closer, they reached a different conclusion: It was the 35-year-old pregnant actress who had sent the letters, and she tried to frame her estranged husband in a bizarre case of marital conflict crossing with bioterrorism.

The Return Of Knut

Digging around in my stats: the most popular post this blog ever did was about Knut, the polar bear cub.

Knut

Frankly, I don't blame you guys, because that bear is adorable. But the post goes all the way back to 2007! I peaked pretty early, looks like.

Speaking of peaking:

A year after his public debut, Knut was reported as weighing more than 130 kg (286 lb). A plate of six-inch glass, strong enough to resist a mortar blast, was erected between him and zoo visitors. At the end of March 2008, Markus Röbke, one of the keepers who helped rear Knut, reported that the bear should leave the zoo as soon as possible in order to help him acclimate to a life alone. Röbke also said that Knut plainly misses his past father-figure, Thomas Dörflein, and has become so used to attention that he cries when no one is near his enclosure. "Knut needs an audience," Röbke stated. "That has to change". In April, animal welfare campaigners criticized the zoo for allowing Knut to kill and eat ten carp from the moat surrounding his enclosure, saying that it was a breach of German animal protection regulations. The zoo's bear expert, Heiner Klös, however, said that Knut's behavior was "all part of being a polar bear."

It's like all child stars... they get a little older, it's massive weight gain and a neurotic need to be loved by a public that has moved on to the next one. If Knut doesn't have a problem with blow, I'd be very much surprised.

The Party of Personal Responsibility

Stephen Baldwin, the conservative Baldwin, has had to declare bankruptcy. However, he's not asking for government assistance! He wants you to bail him out directly!

He has been publicly ridiculed and insulted by people who think that he has been abandoned by God. A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Stephen, but mock God.

In response to this (with the permission of Stephen's ministry President Daniel Southern) we have established RestoreStephenBaldwin.org. A privately funded and managed website. Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin publicly restored in front of millions. Stephen's platform will increase allowing him to reach even more people with the Gospel and God will get all of the glory. Publicly.

Hmmm... still, I have questions.

Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?
A- Stephen’s influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.

Q- How much money does he need?
A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.

Q- What percentage of a gift actually reaches Stephen?
A- 100% goes directly into his bank account through online gifting. The bank account was arranged by Daniel Southern. Daniel was Billy Graham’s Crusade Director for almost 20 years.

Q- Who paid for the www.RestoreStephenBaldwin.org site?
A- The site was built and funded by someone Stephen nor his staff have ever met.

Q- What % of Christians know the method God used to restore Job?
A- An incredibly small %.

Okay, I'm in. I can't stand the idea of giving up my hard-earned dollar to the government to help the poor, but I'm lining up to give it to the formerly rich. Or wait a minute... maybe I should do what they did in the olden days, and send Baldwin livestock!

Victoria Jackson Used To Be Funnier

Victoria Jackson from Elizabeth Glover on Vimeo.

Dennis Miller too.

My Goddam Civic Duty

Look, it's me. See those people behind me? Jurors.

Yep, we're all sitting in a big room in Van Nuys, waiting to be empaneled on a criminal jury. This is one of the great honor of our democracy, being allowed to participate in the justice system instead of turning it all over to corrupt officials. Part of the deal, I suppose is that while you have to endure the annoyance of hanging around this room all day (or god forbid, actually serving on a jury) you can at least rely on others doing the same when YOU are brought to trial for holding up a liquor store.

And really, is this any more annoying than my other plan, which was going to work and pushing that paper around for eight hours? I think not. In fact, this is a pleasant change of pace. I get to meet new people, I can surf the net on the county's Wi-Fi dime; it's actually the day off I needed. Plus, they tell us that we'll probably have a two-hour lunch.

The last time I did this I wound up on the same panel as Ray Romano (yeah, that one) and tellingly the lawyers knocked me off before Ray. Does it mean I am even more of a distraction than an internationally famous TV star? I'd like to think so. The jury is still out on that one.

Enough Dick Already

I just got back for the same l'il Italian place I went to Monday - Andy Dick was there again. This time he was stinkin' drunk; rude, obnoxious, and pawing every woman under 3o who passed close enough. The waitress brought him a glass of water, he demanded a margarita in a gravelly voice, and when she left Andy threw the ice at a blond who had her back to him. They tossed him out once but he wandered back in an hour later.

I'm happy to report that he showed zero interest in me, though. And I suppose it's good to see that the stories I've heard around town are true - sometimes people make stuff up about celebrities and you want to believe them even when they're not true, as long as they're entertaining. And frankly, the West San Fernando Valley is celebrity starved. This is the first famous person I've seen in this place who wasn't in porn. Though with that name...

Ironically, one of my drinkin' and singin' buddies is a staff writer for the National Enquirer, and he left early, because there's no money in Andy Behaving Badly stories any more.I wonder if Britney's still awake?

Spotted Dick

I just want to report briefly that I went to my local italian restaurant/karaoke joint on Monday and there, with an entourage of about 4 guys, was Andy Dick. They were eating Italian food and listening to people singing Neil Diamond songs.

Happily, Mr. Dick and company neither seemed high nor drunk; there was no shouting, no fights were started, and they all left peacefully. Sadly, before I got up to sing.