It's Funny Because All Mothers Are Like That

The story:

Authorities say an Ohio mother has been arrested on charges accusing her of injecting her teenage children with heroin before sending them to school.

The Hocking County Sheriff's Office says 35-five-year-old Shantel Parker, of Laurelville, was arrested Friday at Ohio State University hospital on warrants charging her with two counts each of felonious assault, corrupting another with drugs and endangering children.

Investigators say Parker has been providing heroin and other drugs to her children, ages 14 and 16, for several months.

The tweet, from esteemed nemesis WAMK:

Madeline's Dad@WAMK

Rush better not call her "a lousy mother" today, or he'll lose more sponsors..“@pinkelephantpun: Holy cow.fxn.ws/yRKtNf”

7 Mar 12

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Attention Chick voters! The Republicans hate you!

Obviously I'm missing the point here. This mother isn't like all mothers. Rush lost sponsors for attacking one particular woman. The point is that a woman who testifies before congress is no better than a woman who injects her kids with heroin.

A Barrel of Lies

Media Matters is up to their old tricks, SMEARING FoxNews. They claim this footage was captured from Fox News, implying that they thought the President has no control over high gas prices, and that drilling in ANWR wouldn't change prices today.



Of course, obviously, THIS is what Fox News really thinks about all that.



Liberal scoundrels!

Leave Rush Alone!

Rush Limbaugh is very, very sorry that he said mean things last week. As usual, he didn't mean anything he said. How could you people be so sensitive!

But moving on, let's get down to the real point. Rush thinks its unfair that people have to pay for the activities of other people. For example, sexually. Rush is furious that his Viagra is covered by an insurance company, because everybody who buys insurance from that same company is paying for it. Also any drugs he might be taking for Cholesterol, or any medical problem he might develop from obesity. Rush thinks he should take responsibility and slim down, or stop having the insurance he's paying into cover his bills!

Rush is furious that an insurance company will have to cover medical expenses if all the customers aren't completely on board with it.

Furthermore, Rush hates insurance companies being told what to cover and what not to. That's regulation! Say, for example, your grandmother falls and breaks her hip. Sure they could pay out the expense to heal her, but she's old and there's enough wrong with her that something else should go at any time. Why waste that money on her when it could be going to Viagra! (Or something). Rush thinks that insurance companies should get to make a judgement on whether she gets that surgery. Not one guy of course, but a panel of experts. Yeah, some kind of panel to decide who lives or who dies.

What? What's so wrong with that? You liberals are so impractical.

Andrew Breitbart, RIP

Only 43 years old, said to have died of "natural causes" while walking after midnight near his home in Brentwood. That sounds a little suspicious to me, but I certainly have no evidence to back that up so let's assume its true and send some people around to check out the story, shall we?

I feel bad because he died waiting for my apology. I had believed that he was using innacurate sources for his Anthony Weiner story, and WAMK demanded that I apologize for saying so. I withold my apology today as well, because Breitbart would never apologize for a belief.

I hear in person he was an appealing guy, and indeed when he wasn't suggesting that I should be killed I'm sure he was. Go gently into the good night, sir.

Must Make This An Entertaining Year

Mitt Romney apparently won Michigan after all. I say apparently because a couple of weeks from now, when they've counted all the votes, it could turn out that Santorum won. Of course by then, Mittmentum will have carried him past super Tuesday.

Listen you guys, you need to forget the concept that Mitt is more "electable" than Rick. Either one is going to lose to Obama. What you need to focus on now is losing with honor. Run the guy who embodies the conservative spirit! Put him out there and let him articulate your principles! Let the world know how much to hate education and women and blah people! Fly the Santorum flag high, and cover yourselves with it.

Show Me The Magic!

Today is the Michigan primary - today is the day that Mitt Romney could begin his inevitable fall, to be replaced by America's next president, the smartest and most popular man in the whole world. Cross your fingers everybody, and hope that somehow Santorum loses by a significant margin even though the polling suggested otherwise!

Democrat Lawmaker Caught Sending Creepy Texts

It's not always Republicans who are behind behavior like this! You may find that comforting.

Federal agents are investigating Florida House Rep. Richard Steinberg for sending a series of suggestive and harassing text messages to a married Miami female prosecutor, court records show.

The dozens of messages, sent over the course of more than three months last fall, were sent from a phone that used software to disguise the number. The victim, Assistant U.S. Attorney Marlene Fernandez-Karavetsos, repeatedly begged the anonymous sender to leave her alone.

When U.S. Secret Service investigators traced the Yahoo screen name, "itsjustme24680," it led to a phone and home Internet account registered to Steinberg, a former Miami Beach commissioner whom Fernandez-Karavetsos knew only professionally.

Late Wednesday, Steinberg — in response to a request for comment from the Miami Herald — admitted in an email that he was behind the messages.

"I acknowledge and take full responsibility for sending inappropriate and unsolicited messages to Mrs. Marlene Fernandez-Karavetsos, whom I have known for more than 15 years. I deeply regret and wholeheartedly apologize for the disrespect that I have shown her, her husband and my constituents," he said through a spokesman.

"Most importantly, words cannot express how sorry I am to my wife, for the disrespect I have shown her, and my entire family."

What was he thinking, you might ask? But really, you'll be much happier if you never know.

Children: They Are Simply Not Pulling Their Weight

This year's pre-election rhetoric is reeeeeeally interesting. For example, check out Tennessee Republican Kevin Kookogey!

As more Williamson County schools begin to serve breakfast to students, the county’s Republican Party chairman, Kevin Kookogey, says it is not the role of the government to feed people.

School officials announced in January the goal to offer breakfast at all schools as a part of the National School Breakfast program, which reimburses the district through the U.S. Department of Agriculture for each meal served.

Whether students qualify for free and reduced prices for the meal or they pay full price, the district essentially receives money back from the government.

Kookogey took aim at schools providing students with breakfast via a letter posted on the county Republican Party website.

“I am sure you have heard about this happening in other areas, but ladies and gentlemen, Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure, is now operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs,” Kookogey wrote. “Of course, those handouts are courtesy of you and me, the federal taxpayers.”

The problem with free breakfasts for kids, of course, is that it disincentivizes them. If we are giving them a healthy breakfast, what will motivate them to get janitorial jobs? Some little girl is walking away from that job selling artificial flowers right now, because she doesn't need to pay for an Egg MacMuffin. If poor children in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation can't be forced to work for the 1%, then we have achieved nothing!

He's Still Totally Socialist

Here's a screen grab from Politco, a few hours ago.

Strangely that union, Wisconsin 1948, has a flag that looks exactly like the Wisconsin state flag. In fact, that's what it is.

I think I see what's going on here. When conservative commentators say that the unions are against Scott Walker, they mean the entire state of Wisconsin is against Scott Walker. When they call the unions "thugs" they mean Wisconsin is a state of thugs. And so on.

Quote of the Day: Sarah Should Run Edition

"Truly, it is a war on our religious liberties and that violation of conscience that he would mandate that is un-American because it violates our First Amendment in our Constitution."

- Sarah Palin, this morning on Fox 'n Friends

Rickrolled

Good news, disappointed Republicans! You finally have an unbeatable weapon for 2012. RICK SANTORUM! Stop wasting your time with those centrists and put all your energy into the real conservative who can beat Obama (source: Rasmussen) this November.

Nanny Statism

Michele Obama's heavy socialist hand has reached all the way from Washington to Florida!

Florida state Rep. Ronda Storms has attracted media attention for proposing state legislation that would, among other things, expand the list of foods people can’t purchase with food stamps.

Storms (R) has submitted a bill that would prohibit participants in the federally funded, state-administered Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) from using food stamps to buy “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips” and other foods of the unhealthful variety. If passed, the law would also bar food-stamp use in restaurants. The proposed SNAP purchase restrictions are part of a bill targeting what Storms deems inappropriate uses of federal assistance funds.

Seriously, I kind of like this idea if only because it would probably encourage the marketing of foods which are "bill-safe", cheap, nutritious and not loaded up with fat and sugar (fat). I can't see a downside to this - if you're enraged by the poor using government money to buy Twinkies, you gotta look at this as at least an improvement, and if you're equally enraged by the most affordable food being pure swill, then again, woo hoo! Won't pass, of course, because of the Con Agra lobbyists.Still, interesting.

Your Alternative to Mitt Romney

Gotcha!

Look Upon Your Works Ye Mighty, And Despair

Mitt-mentum is building following his win at the Nevada caucus this weekend, if building is the term you use to describe "declining."

The final results are in for the Nevada caucuses, nearly two days after the events were held. Mitt Romney finished with 50.1% of the vote – slightly down on his 2008 result in the same state. Newt Gingrich came second with 21.1%, Ron Paul was third on 18.8% and Rick Santorum came in last with 10%.

Slightly down! From his results when he ran against John McCain!

Erick Erickson@EWErickson

I'd like to make my endorsement for President now. I endorse the Sweet Meteor of Death.

It Don't Just Spin, It Whirrs

Mitt Romney's people attack Newt Gingrich for flip-flopping and supporting a health care mandate and being unelectable. As you suspect, my issue with this strategy is not that it's wrong, it's that its unimaginative. Can't you guys look beyond your own little worlds and find something to accuse each other of that you haven't been accused of yourself? Please? 


All I'm expecting out of this race is entertainment, and you're not giving it up.

Yok Yok!

Reince Priebus, making a little joke about the 17 people who died last month off the coast of Tuscany.



Refresh my memory -- what's the definition of sociopath?

Treaties! Hunh! What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nothin'!

Fiscal conservative hero Newt Gingrich's plan to build an All-American Colony on the moon.



There are a few problems with this plan. Among them - it will be awfully hard to pay for this moonbase without raising taxes. Putting money into researching new ideas (instead of "technologies that are 50 years old") well, that's what got Obama in trouble with this Solyndra thing. And if we turn most of the development over to private enterprise, the moonbase won't be American - it'll belong to Richard Branson.

But maybe the most interesting flaw in Gingrich's extremely well-though-out plan is this - we have a treaty with the Soviets and the British forbidding the claiming of space for national interests. We can build there, but we can't declare it a state.

Far Left Liberal Website Calls For Moderation

Wonkette isn't all that far left liberal, or at least they're willing to throw a liberal under the bus if there's a good laugh in it. And today, they turned their special branded sarcasm to a recently published study.

Hey look! It’s that time of year again, and the semi-annual release of some or another study claiming that conservatives are stupid has finally landed on liberal doorsteps across America. Perfect timing, really! Since, you know, the one thing the country needs right now more than just about anything else is yet another excuse to avoid the hard work of looking at those we disagree with as equal partners in a national conversation, people who we must engage with and convince—and, oh, maybe as a result challenge ourselves to check our work and, you know, make better arguments! But hey, now we can all let ourselves off the hook and just deride them as all a bunch of idiots who aren’t even worth talking to in the first place. Thank you, science! Yes, this is quite obviously how we will move forward together as a nation. (It was the dramatic improvement in the quality of the national discourse evidenced after the last two dozen times a study like this was published that gives us so much faith.)

I'm with these guys. Demonizing the opposing party by calling them sub-human (or in the case of Pat Robertson, literal demons) does not lead to solutions. Now and then, it leads to genocide. We all want a better country and our only difference is how best to achieve it. And there is no rational reason to assume the brains are distributed differently on either side.

RETREAT! RETREAT!

I'm interested to see this editorial by Joe Trippi on the FoxNews website. It's pretty obvious advice but we're at the point where the base may not allow the change in strategy. Trippi keys off the reaction to the SOTU speech.

Sadly, and not surprisingly, reaction in the Capitol was one sided to even the most agreeable statements. Speaker John Boehner couldn't even get to his feet in agreement when Obama said that "everyone gets a fair shot, everyone pays their fair share, and everyone plays by the rules." And Republicans mystifyingly didn't rise in applause when Obama basically agreed with one of the pillars of their political strategy in saying, "it's time to apply the same rules from top to bottom: no bailouts, no handouts, and no copouts."

...Some may not have liked seeing the president fire such a salvo on an opponent in such a setting. But that's politics.

And that's the way things are in Washington with just 286 days until the general election. With Romney and Newt Gingrich brawling in primary states, the president did an effective job of setting himself apart from that type of politics. Can he be brought down? Not likely if the GOP demonstrates the stoic and blind opposition we saw Tuesday night.

Look, I'm not trying to minimize damage to Republicans. If I thought anyone read my opinions, let alone agreed with 'em, I'd have kept quiet about this. But honestly how many of their own ideas can the Republicans call socialism before they lose a generation of voters? Not many more, I'm betting.

Incidentally, about Boehner: I didn't watch the whole speech but I hear that the only time he appeared to smile was when he said he had the great honor of introducing the President of the United States. What the hell kind of messaging is that? Pro-Obama, anti-fairness? Good luck in November, amigos.

State Of The Union

Didn't watch, past the first half hour. I wasn't going to watch that, but I had time to kill.

SOTU adresses are pure unvarnished campaign speeches, nothing else. There is no point in watching them. Where they are useful is seeing how the talking point polled, because if all those little calls to action turn out to be popular, but go unheeded by the lawmakers, then the lawmakers are screwed. So rather than watch the speech, watch the polling.

Quote Of The Day: Tryin' Too Hard Edition

"I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.”

-Mitt Romney's stump speech, hat tip to Mark Steyn of all people

Just Throwin' It Out There

Dr. Keith Ablow wrote this in the opinion section of FoxNews.com.

1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.

2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.

3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible.

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.

You cannot run from the awesome charisma of the Newt. Don't try to fight it. And quit being so hung up on this "moral values" crap. By the way:

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team. Dr. Ablow can be reached at info@keithablow.com. His team of Life Coaches can be reached at lifecoach@keithablow.com.

In case you need marriage counseling.

Hadn't Reagan Been President for a Whole Term by 1984?

I'll be honest -- I'm only posting this because I think Santorum is an easier opponent than Romney or Gingrich, but I gotta admire the cinematography also.

Follow The Oil

Federalism rears its magnificent head today in the form of a veto -- President Obama is said to be ready to announce he will veto the controversial Keystone XL pipeline, because he is forced to decide now in order for the payroll tax entension to go through. The pipe is being rerouted and as of today, no one can say where the pipe will be.

So there are two things now that the Republicans are willing to throw under the bus for the sake of their oil company buddies. The first was a payroll tax extension - normally they wouldn't even consider blocking a tax cut but they used the occasion to force Obama to agree to this oil pipeline, and once he did the bill went through. Now they are also up in arms because the President isn't FORCING STATES TO ALLOW CONTRUCTION of a pipelene across them.

If only there was a way to get oil from Canada across the states without using a pipeline! This will destroy our economy.

A Dream Come True

Yes I know that Obama has low approval ratings, but it looks like he'll either be running against Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum in November. These are dream opponents.

If nothing else it appears that the Tea Party isn't pulling the strings of the RNC any more.

Quote of the Day, JUST LIKE I WAS TELLING YOU Edition

We need contrasts, not just a paler shade of what we have.”

-- Rick Santorum, speaking about Mitt O'Bromney

Quote Of The Day

"And with regards to their ads, I haven’t seen them… But let me tell you this, the ad I saw said that you’d been forced out of the speakership. That was correct." 

--  Mitt Romney

This Will Only Help the Birthers

That "anyone but Obama" thing has gotten a little more interesting this morning with news that Mitt Romney won the Iowa caucus. Mind you, just barely - he literally beat Santorum by eight votes. I'm still rooting for Santorum, because he smart! He win debate with Obummer! But Romney at least failed to get the Iowa beatdown that one might have expected, begging the question, what's the difference between Romney and Obama? They've both spearheaded a government-based health-care system (actually the same one!) they're both much too centrist for anyone's liking. Arguably neither one is a real Christian though they both are Christian.

Usually at this point in the narrative I'd call attention to Mitt Romney's more agreeable racial features, but it's clear what really turns off Republicans about Obama more than Romney - Romney hasn't secretly travelled to Mars.

Two former participants in the CIA’s Mars visitation program of the early 1980’s have confirmed that U.S. President Barack H. Obama was enrolled in their Mars training class in 1980 and was among the young Americans from the program who they later encountered on the Martian surface after reaching Mars via “jump room.”

Their astonishing revelations provide a new dimension to the controversy surrounding President Obama’s background and pose the possibility that it is an elaborate ruse to conceal Obama’s participation as a young man in the U.S. secret space program.

The ability to tranport to a different planet! It's not fair! The founding fathers didn't want one man to have that much power, because it's just one step away from time travel, which Obama employed to fake the evidence surrounding his "birth". In fact, the founding fathers had specifically mentioned it in the constitution, but it is mysteriously NOT THERE NOW.

Once can easily imagine a scenario where Obama went back in time and replace qualified Republican candidates with unappealing buffoons.

Quote Of The Day - Probable Front Runner Edition

"I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money"

 -Rick Santorum, who knows there are no white folk on welfare.