Thursday, February 01, 2007

Anecdote Redux: Fox Journalist Sex Tips

Before I start, let's savor that title. Almost senseless! At least it is without context.

It was a weeknight at Paoli's restaurant/karaoke bar in Summer of 2005. I was a regular visitor there on Wednesday nights, deliberately staying up late in an effort to reset my internal clock for the theatre manager gig. Monday and Tuesday, normal business hours; Thurs-Sat, late late nights. Plus it was an excuse to get out among people, something I have to force myself to do. I had recently learned that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder. If you can't make money selling pills for it, you may know it as "shyness." I don't take the pills but I'm glad it's a disorder. Sorry, tangent.

Anyway, I knew all the regulars there but that night it was crowded and there were a lot of new faces. Once of them stood out - a guy with a perfect tan, well-proportioned, white shirt, tie and slacks, great hair -- he looked a lot like 70s singer and talk-show host John Davidson. Still it's Los Angeles so you run into people who look like they belong on TV all the time. And he wasn't singing, just drinking. Plenty.

I had just sung something. I don't remember what, so let's say it was LEVON by Elton John. A pretty (and pretty drunk) woman had complimented me at some length with plenty of hair-flipping and arm touching. I returned to my seat, which happened to be across from the meta-Davidson, and he leaned over and said, "She's into you."

"Yeah," I chuckled, "it's a shame I'm married."

"You probably could have gotten her to go home with you."

Clearly the matrimony thing has gone by him. Having discarded that element from the conversation, which seemed interesting, I decided to follow my improv training and accept the offer. "Well, sure, that's easy for a guy who looks like you to say."

"No man, you're just not putting yourself out there right. For one thing, you gotta lose the glasses."

I told him I had contacts, but I liked the glasses because they make me look smart. He said women aren't looking for that. He said women want strong, decisive men. "When you talk to them, whatever you're saying you have to sound like you mean it." He also recommended less casual attire because suits are trustworthy.

Finally I said, "what do you do for a living, anyway?" He said he was a TV journalist for a Fox station in Arizona. He was in town all week for the Reagan funeral ceremony. It's then that I realized that he wasn't forcing romantic advice on me at all - he was teaching me how to seduce your way into a sexy anchor's chair.

I never saw the guy again - I checked out the station's website but they don't feature the field reporters. And I left early so I don't know how he fared romantically; or for that matter if he managed to sign a contract. But I treasure the whole incident because among other things, it demonstrates that Fox would spend enough to send local guys to Regan's funeral instead of just using pool coverage.

He's right though, I should wear contacts.

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