Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Fun With RNC Talking Points, Vol. 17

Okay, so I've heard this one a lot lately - If anything, the 9/11 attacks were Clinton's fault.
It's a little abstract, but the argument could be sound. I'll use an example from my own life. I'm a homeowner and a few years back I discovered a wasp's nest hanging from the eaves outside our bedroom. I wasn't being attacked by wasps at the time. Had I simply ignored that next, eventually the wasps would have overtaken the entire side of the house or something. As painful as it was, I had to deal with that nest. And that, my friends, is why we are now in Iraq.
In other words, had Bill Clinton sent troops into Iraq in the 90's, then 9/11 would never have happened.
It's my wasp nest metaphor, though, so I'm gonna run with it. What I did when I found the nest was call in outside help. We got pest control people, with equipment and training, to remove the nest and the several others that had had formed around the house. Had I followed the Bush doctrine, I'd have:

  • Bought a baseball bat at several times the normal cost, because my friend owns a bat company.
  • Stripped down to swim trunks.
  • Started hammering away at the wasp's nest, not because it represented the biggest threat but because a wasp from there had stung my dad.

And I'd still be out there right now, trying to kill individual wasps with an overpriced bat, unable to go after the other nests, which would be flourishing, filled with emboldened wasps. I suppose to broaden the metaphor, I might have invited some friends over for beers and wasp killing. They'd have helped me at first and gradually drifted off one by one saying, "fuck this, they're HIS wasps." Oh, and I'd have gone through several bats but still still no shirt or long pants.

I'd probably still have one guy who was with me, banging away at wasps with an overpriced cricket bat, but his wife and family would be screaming at him to come home or there'd be a divorce in the future for sure. Even I wouldn't understand what he was still doing there.

I could go on and on, but I need to pick up some baking soda and calamine lotion. Bring on the next Talking Point, Mehlman! I'm revved up!

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