Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Meat is Murder -- Delicious, Juicy Medium-Rare Murder

I'm reading a piece on the podcast tonight about PETA, and their picks for the sexiest vegetarian celebrities. I think it's Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks this year. Whatever.

Periodically I wrestle with the idea of becoming vegetarian, simply because I'm certain I'd lose weight. Meat isn't inherently fattening but limiting your dietary choices inherently is. The second you start questioning every snack over whether there is dairy in it, or wheat, you're forced to also think "is it worth the trouble to eat this?" Boom! There goes 10 pounds. Which, by the way, would put me within actuarial tables' opinion of what I should weigh.

A lot of people object to carnivorism on moral grounds. Either it's bad for the environment because you're artificially raising the population of cows and feeding them, instead of just making cow feed into human feed, or you're taking the life of a creature with a brain and a soul.

You are, you know. Can't be helped.

There have been studies which suggest that plants also posses intelligence. If you limit your diet to things without intelligence, you won't be sexy for long. You'll be food for one of those other things. It's the circle of life. Can you feel the love tonight?

Nice guy that I am, even I recognize that you gotta either kill or be killed. What you kill is a matter of choice; if I could afford it and it wouldn't clog up my arteries my choice would be Kobe cow about once a month. Well-done, with a horseradish sauce and a side of once-lively vegetables, and a red wine made from the life-force of happy central-California grapes. I'd savor the well-marbled deeply browned flesh of this animal for the full month until nothing was left but the bones, which I would happily give to my faithful dogs, who demonstrate their affection by not eating me instead.

Instead I cheerfully enjoy chicken, turkey, and lesser quality beef on a daily basis. Thus do I remain nourished and confident that I'm at the top of the food chain.

For now.


Skot said...

Ah, moral vegetarianism-- the hobgoblin of the insecure and self-righteous.

If you're going to go vegetarian, do it cause you want to lose weight or you can't afford meat or just don't like the taste (oddly, I know somebody who is a veg for this very reason). So good on ya so far.

Because, for God's sake, moral vegetarians are the most tiresome company you can imagine. Sort of like hanging around with actors with the self-obsessions an all, except they don't tend to be all that sexy.

As for vegans: take the tiresome factor and multiply it. A lot.

Extending human morality to non-humans is a sure path to madness. Well, maybe not madness, but it certainly devalues the human condition, stretches moral relativism into meaninglessness, and trends to inaccurate, anthropomorphic views of nature.

I know the first guy to mention Hitler loses the debate, but HE was a vegetarian. So much for moral vegetarianism.

wamk said...

I belong to PETA.
People Eating Tasty Animals