Wednesday, June 27, 2007

New Uses For Ann Coulter

I never get tired of writing about Ann Coulter. After her dust-up with Elizabeth Edwards, it occurred to me that arguing with her is like beating your head against an adam's apple.

But the criticism got me thinking - what does Ann Coulter DO, exactly? She's a pundit, obviously, but not a serious one. She couldn't be put on a panel with Britt Hume and Juan Williams. She tells jokes. She's funny, in a 1/2 HOUR NEWS HOUR kind of way. So suppose she wanted a regular gig on a mainstream news show, instead of one of these once-every-book jobs she gets?

You know who has a slot for a gal like Ann? Keith Olberman.

The final story on COUNTDOWN is usually something involving light news, like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. Often he'll just bounce jokes with a BEST WEEK EVER regular or gossip columnist, like Michael Musto. Ann 'n' Keith would be a match made in heaven. First of all, Keith already has experience in that segment with Musto, a substanceless awkward person of dubious sexuality. Secondly he knows Coulter like the back of his hand, having frequently featured her as his worst person in the world.

Ann could spout off whatever crazy shit she likes because, you know, the segment is dessert. It's a throwaway. And Keith would let her, because it proves he was right all along. The ratings would shoot through the roof. Ann gets regular exposure, Keith grabs new ratings -- win/win!

I'm going to reference Monica Novotny, Keith's producer, here in hopes that someone on the staff Googles her name. Monnie, make this happen! It's a weird idea but nobody has anything to lose. Just don't let her in the same studio as Keith, because THAT might get ugly.

8 comments:

GWK said...

"because it proves he (Keith) was right all along."

and here all this time I figured him to be a lefty....

Thanks for the correction, piker..

skot said...

Coulter proves Olbermann right in that Ann Coulter gets him ratings for spouting hateful shit that most human beings would be too mortified to say.

GWK, you couldn't figure Keith's politics because he's an empty suit jacket.

Watching Donny Deutsch on "Hardball": "Hey, she's just goofing, she's just like Howard Stern." He called her a journalist. Ann bites dog. Ann bites everyone.

--S

wamk said...

Donny Deutsch giving direction on who is a journalist is like Richard Simmons describing what it takes to be a Navy SEAL.

"Coulter proves Olbermann right in that Ann Coulter gets him ratings for spouting hateful shit that most human beings would be too mortified to say."

Olbermann never spouts anything hateful tho, does he?

Skot said...

"Olbermann never spouts anything hateful tho, does he?"

--On what scale are we measuring him? Relative to Ann Coulter, he's a nun. Relative to Cable news gasbags in general, his vitriol is on par. Compared to normal human beings, he should be slapped.

--Skot

Danielk said...

I'll add two more comparisons. The obvious one is Bill O'Reilly, who just kicked off a 16-year-old boy and called him a "pinhead" for quoting passages from O'Reilly's book on the show. Olberman, I don't see doing that.

And compared to bloggers? Well, we're all over the map.

wamk said...

I guess it's all about perspective, eh boys?

Since none of us commenting here are in the center, we see "the guy" in our corner being more "spot on", than the other.

By the way, don't take my reference to "our guy" to imply in any way that I think Ann Coulter is a man, as those on the Left like to think (hence all the references to "mAnn Coulter" I see on HuffPo).

Skot said...

No-- as said before, Keith is an empty suit jacket who only believes in ratings. Call him your own if you like.

"mAnn Coulter:" Didn't hear that one before. Funny. Look: I ain't saying she's a man, I'm saying she's a chick with a friggin' ADAM'S APPLE! This is an unusual feature for a woman to have, but not unheard of. It points to an endocrine imbalance during childhood. Imbalance like excessive androgens. Elevated testosterone, heightened aggression, sharpened fight-or-flight responses. Sound familiar?

--Skot

Skot said...

No-- as said before, Keith is an empty suit jacket who only believes in ratings. Call him your own if you like.

"mAnn Coulter:" Didn't hear that one before. Funny. Look: I ain't saying she's a man, I'm saying she's a chick with a friggin' ADAM'S APPLE! This is an unusual feature for a woman to have, but not unheard of. It points to an endocrine imbalance during childhood. Imbalance like excessive androgens. Elevated testosterone, heightened aggression, sharpened fight-or-flight responses. Sound familiar?

--Skot