De Bate! Dee Bate!

Tonight is the big VP debate, between Palin and Biden. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. And yet I'm probably going to watch, not because it will influence my vote and not even because I could pick up a few talking points. I'm going to watch out of pure, white-hot schaudenfreude.

I'd predict that the affair will be a train wreck, but since there was a real train wreck right near me last month I'm trying to avoid that metaphor.

So what are the fun things to look for tonight in the contest between the woman who is afraid to speak and the man who can't shut up? You could enjoy a drinking game. One commenter suggests-

Palin: Reform

Biden: Look

- although Ana Marie Cox wants to take a shot any time Palin says "you know" which means she should be out within 12 minutes.

Then there is the Gwen Ifill controversey. You can look at it as a legitimate concern about bias or as an attempt to make excuses in advance, but the blogosphere is raising issues about Ifill's upcoming book, which is about African-American political figures. My conclusion? Ifill is totally in the tank for Colin Powell. (Hey, maybe she'll throw out a question about the "Powell Doctrine!" Fun!) The drive to get Ifill replaced with someone unbiased like (seriously) Britt Hume is counterproductive. For one thing, it reinforces the idea that Palin isn't ready; for another, both candidates have been training for weeks with a Gwen Ifill stand-in. Palin litererally wouldn't be ready.

By the way, McCain was okay with the Ifill choice yesterday, and a little queasy about it this morning.

Biden could roll with it - if you want to talk about lowered expectations, nobody is really watching the debate to see Biden say something stupid. It would be like watching the sun to see if it sets in the east. And no matter who is asking the questions, he has years of experience delivering non-answers to them.

In fact, this last point is why the debate (all debates, actually) will untimately be so squirm-inducing. No politician is stupid enough to answer a question honestly, and the best ones are so smart that they can answer a question while literally saying nothing. So tonight ingore substance. Won't be none! Watch to see who appears more nervous. The other one wins.