Friday, October 10, 2008

Republican Anger: A Helpful Guide

Text below, if you're un-post-literate.

Recent news coverage, especially of certain political rallies, has left the impression that Republicans are a bellicose, furiously bloodthirsty bunch of people. This is absolutely not true; besides, they can't help it. They're outraged! 


Still, how can you tell when they're a little outraged, versus when they're going ballistic? It's simple if you have the right tools! I give you the Republican outrage meter!

The outrage meter has four settings. Three of them apply to Democrats. The first setting: pegged.







This is the lowest setting.

Coincidentally, the second setting looks the same, but it's higher. It's "Pegged, but we're furious that we can't rip off the cover and pull the peg out with our teeth so the needle could go even farther."

The third setting looks like the first two: "The meter itself, by not allowing us to go higher than pegged, betrays its liberal bias."


The fourth setting only applies to Republicans. It's at zero or almost zero, or what they call "hey, what the hell, let's call it zero"; and it signifies that whatever the guy has done, lighten up, he/she's a Republican.

You may point out that there was a recent flurry of hate mail sent to certain right-wing pundits who suggested that Sarah Palin wasn't ready to be Vice President. This suggests that the meter doesn't work. The meter, in fact, works fine. Those pundits are now considered Democrats.

3 comments:

Publius said...

I am torn about the meter.

From your perspective, the needle should be all the way to the right when the right is at its highest dudgeon.

Yet, on the other hand, from their perspective, it should be all the way to the left to show that they are outraged about lefty stuff!

Do you see my dilemma?

So, as a solution, I suggest a thermometer graphic instead. When we "wingnuts" are at our hottest the thermometer could be boiling over. You know, as bubbly as Al Gore at his most hyperbolic over globaloney? Yeah THAT over heated.

This way we dispense with the should the needle be right or left argument entirely!

piker62 said...

Sadly, thermometers have no pegs. Think outside the box, Warner!

Publius said...

I guess I am anti-peg. Give me Hey Donna, forget Peggy Sue!